A Thousand Steps Begin With One
by Cloudie Caulfield
Summary: A different take on Watamote, in which they made a different choice. Tomoki Kuroki learns the word Family and teaches his sister how to walk. They are fourteen and fifteen, and this is what it means to love. Hint: Tomoki/Tomoko and Kiyota/Tomoko.
1. Ground Zero

Ground Zero

Tomoki knows something has happened between then and now, a single moment that defined their roles in this world.

He's afraid to look at her sometimes for fear of finding himself in Tomoko's eyes. He doesn't want to end up like her, so he stays away. He knows she needs help, but he doesn't think he can help her. Shoving her away physically solves the the mental dilemma, mostly. But in the quiet moments late at night, where the _click-click-click_ from her room infiltrates his, the thoughts return to haunt him.

Sleep is difficult.

The basest level of their identities is so similar it's hard for him to distinguish. So Tomoki tries to pick himself a different path, diverges his choices away from his sister, forces himself into things that will leave him too exhausted to care about the world. And that's the difference that separates them.

Tomoki tries not to care. Tomoko cares too much.

And this is how things will always be, he thinks. Sure, he is scared for his sister; what might happen to her, what she might do to herself. But honestly, he is more scared for himself. If he stares into the dark too long, the dark might stare back. Tomoki resolves to ignore it.

It's on a May Tuesday that his resolves … dissolves. He is sitting in health class during second period, and the teacher is making them read off the passages from their textbook one by one. He doesn't notice his turn until his neighbour nudges him.

Tomoki stares blindly at his textbook and realises he's on a different page. His classmate, Yuichi, sighs and shoves his textbook in front of Tomoki, directing him to the correct passage.

"Kuroki? Are you listening?" the health teacher says.

"Uh. Yes." Tomoki stands and the girls giggle.

Tomoki clears his throat. "An anxiety disorder characterised by an intense fear in one or more social situations causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life, is a social phobia known as Social Anxiety Disorder or SAD," he reads, "Physical symptoms often accompanying social anxiety disorder include excessive blushing, excess sweating, trembling, palpitations and … nausea. S-stammering may-"

He stops.

"Kuroki?"

"Sorry," he says.

"Is something wrong, Kuroki?" the teacher asks.

Some of his classmates snicker.

"No. It's just unsettling to read," he says.

To his surprise, his teacher nods sympathetically. "Yes. Social Anxiety is quite common. Eighty percent of those with SAD are never diagnosed, thus are never treated."

The class erupts into hushed whispers. The girl sitting in front of him leans over to her friend, giggling.

"You remember that girl we ran into the other day?" she says. "Do you think she has SAD?"

"The second year girl from the book store?" her friend laughs. "My sister is in her class, you know. She says she has no friend."

Tomoki feels cold all of a sudden.

"Quiet! Social anxiety is not a joke," the teacher yells. "Anybody who takes this lightly will earn themselves after school detention. Now, how to recognise those with SAD. Kuroki, sit down. Aomatsu, it's your turn."

Tomoki sits down and stares blankly at his textbook. He turns it to the correct page and follows the text as Yuichi reads.

"People who suffer from this disorder may behave a certain way and then feel embarrassed or humiliated after," reads Yuichi. "Phobias are controlled by escape and avoidance behaviours. Major avoidance behaviours could include an almost compulsive lying behaviour in order to preserve self-image and avoid judgement in front of others. Minor avoidance behaviours are exposed when a person avoids eye contact and crosses his/her arms to avoid recognisable shaking…"

Tomoki sinks into his chair as the next person picks up where Yuichi leaves off.

He finds his sister on these pages and it unsettles him.

His sister lies compulsively to preserve her self-image, or the delusion of it. She stammers, blushes and avoids eye contact when interacting with strangers. Tomoki has seen it, of course he has.

He knows how she behaves around school, since he's gone out of his way to avoid her. He's heard her lie on the phone too. He's seen her trip over herself trying to control her shaking. And not to mention that time she made a fool of herself ordering food. Just talking to him an hour every night isn't going to solve anything. He doesn't think she'll ever get better.

It is such a depressing thought.

On top of that, she doesn't even have friends to eat lunch with.

Before he knows it, the lunch bell rings.

"Kuroki. Please come see me."

It's the heath teacher. She's waiting for him by the door.

His friends who were gathering around his desk look confused.

"Come back soon," says Yuichi.

"You didn't get in trouble, did you?" says Kirito.

"No, you retard," says Tomoki although he isn't sure.

He shoves Kirito on the head before walking away.

The hallway is littered with freshmen who give him odd looks because he is Tomoki the rising star player of the soccer team. Or something.

"Kuroki. Do you have a sister?"

Tomoki's eyes widen. So she doesn't beat around the bush.

"No," he lies.

The teacher raises an eyebrow. "Let me ask you again. Do you have a sister, Kuroki?"

"Yes."

The teacher nods. "I'm Tomoko's homeroom teacher. Has she had difficulty communicating since very young?"

This trips Tomoki and he backpedals so hard his head spins.

"Sorry, what?"

"Tomoko Kuroki is your sister, correct? I'm a P.E. teacher, so I'm not an expert in mental health or anything. It's because we're short on health teacher this semester, that's why I'm teaching your health class in the first place," she starts to babble. "Your sister is having a difficult time at school, Kuroki. And I'm getting worried."

"You are…" _worried?_

"Nobody knows you two are related, do they? Was it your idea to keep it a secret?" she says.

A stab at Tomoki's chest. He looks away.

"Look. I know you're in that phase in life where all you care about is yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. It's part of being a teenager and growing up. I was like that too when I was your age."

He tries not to scowl.

"But she's your family, Kuroki," the teacher says. "I hope you won't regret your choices later in life."

Tomoki doesn't know what that's supposed to mean. He doesn't think he wants to find out.

:::::

"Hey, is everything okay?" says Yuichi the moment he returns to his desk.

His friends are already eating without him. Tomoki doesn't know why they have to crowd at his desk. He realises he isn't very hungry.

"It's fine," he says.

He kicks Tatsuya out of his seat. A group of the girls in the class laugh as Tausuya lands on the floor with a groan. He ignores the curses and sits down. It _is_ his seat after all.

These are his friends. Kirito is an overachiever. He's friendly and overconfident. He likes to make fun of other people, and sometimes it's funny, but most times it's just mean. Yuichi, on the other hand, is a softy. He's closer to a nerd than anything else. But he's super skilled in soccer, and Tomoki thinks being this good at everything should be illegal. Tatsuya isn't in the soccer team, he's a jokester, loud and obnoxious.

"I bet Ogino was prying again, wasn't she?" says Kirito around a mouthful of fried rice.

"What?" says Yuichi.

"My brother has her for homeroom. Apparently, she likes to stick her nose where it doesn't belong."

Tatsuya chips in, "I think she's cool for a teacher."

"You're kidding," says Kirito. "So, what did she want with you anyway, Tomoki?"

"She asked about my family."

"See? I told you, she's totally-"

"Hey, where are you going?"

Tomoki is already walking away when he answers. "Toilet."

Predictably, Tomoki goes to look for his sister. He watches her slip out of the classroom with her lunch box.

Tomoko keeps her head down the corridor and hesitates when she sees the amount of people lingering by the stairs. She hovers awkwardly away from the crowd, waiting for the stairs to clear out. He can tell she's getting impatient, and can almost read her line of thoughts as she considers giving those people a piece of her mind. But Tomoki also sees the strain in Tomoko's posture, and her desperation of being chained to her anxiety.

It's becoming difficult to watch. Tomoki considers walking away, but something propells him forward. He doesn't know what he's going to do, but he isn't going to think about it. After all, he doesn't want to end up like her.

"What are you doing?" he says.

Tomoki whirls around, wide-eyed and terrified. The vulnerability vanishes immediately at the sight of her brother. She sneers, "What do you want? Do you have no friends to hang out with?"

His eye twitches. "Unlike you, I do have friends. Seeing your pathetic attempt to even move from this spot is annoying as hell."

He registers the hurt on his sister's sleep-deprived face before it is masked by anguish. He registers her desperation to retaliate and inwardly cringes at how pathetic she looks. It's almost unbearable.

Before he knows it, Tomoki grabs his sister by the arm and drags her towards the stairs on the other side of the corridor. Tomoko struggles and he vaguely recalls telling her to shut up.

"Where do you eat?" he says.

"Why do you care?" Tomoko squawks.

"I don't," he says.

They past by the other classes, and Tomoki ignores the odd looks thrown their way. His sister doesn't answer, so Tomoki takes her to the abandon classroom on the freshman floor.

"Is this good enough for you?"

He doesn't wait for a reply before he turns on his heels and stalks off. Tomoki doesn't know where his sister eats her lunch that day, and he tries not to care.

:::::

When Tomoki returns home that evening after soccer practice, his sister is already clicking away on her computer. He doesn't check. He goes to take his shower, and eats dinner with his mum. His sister doesn't come out. She never comes out anyway.

As Tomoki helps his mum wash the dishes, he decides to talk to her.

"Mum. I think Tomoko has social anxiety disorder," he says.

This catches his mother off guard. A pair of chopsticks slip from her hands and clatter into the sink.

"She needs to see a doctor," he opts to say. "I think she needs help."

A pause.

"Don't be silly. Your sister is fine," his mum says. "Just because she isn't as outgoing as you—"

"I'm not outgoing. But I can handle conversations with strangers. She can't," he says.

"She talks to us just fine."

"That's not the same. You haven't seen her in school, mum."

His mum bristles. "Stop it, Tomoki. There's nothing wrong with your sister. She's fine."

Tomoki doesn't know why but he's getting frustrated.

"No, she isn't. She needs help," he says louder, as if that will help, somehow.

"Who needs help?" a croaky voice says from behind them.

Tomoki looks over his shoulder to see his sister standing there in her sweatpants and a worn t-shirt, looking like a complete hobo. He stifles a sigh.

"Nobody," their mum says.

He knows Tomoko doesn't believe them.

Tomoki dries the last cup with the cloth before stacking it onto the rack.

"The neighbour's cat. It's missing," he says.

"Our neighbour has a cat?" says his sister, her slippers making pathetic flapping sounds as she walks over to scour the fridge.

"Not anymore," he says.

He can feel their mum's stare on him. She's brewing herself a cup of tea. Tomoki tries not to get annoyed that she's using the cup he's just dried.

"Hey. Do you get nervous talking to strangers?" he asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter.

He sees Tomoko's back tenses. She stands there, half bent with her head in the fridge, her sticks of legs poking out of her sweatpants where her stupid butt is hidden.

"No. Why are you asking, idiot?"

"I don't know. Why are you lying?" he says.

She doesn't turn to face him as she shuts the fridge. Her hands are empty as she stalks out of the kitchen.

"Are you going back to your games? You have no friends, do you?" he taunts.

"Tomoki," his mum snaps.

Tomoko screams something at him from the top of the stairs. He can't understand.

:::::

After listening to a half-an-hour lecture from his mum, Tomoki trudges back up the stairs having half a mind to apologise to Tomoko and the other half already constructing a plan against their mum.

He knows he doesn't have the right to get angry at Tomoko. But he can get angry at their mum for not taking him seriously. Tomoki really, really doesn't want to have to deal with a crazy sister, and he thinks Ogino's words must have affected him more than he's anticipated.

Tomoki twists the doorknob to his sister's room, but it's locked. He sighs.

Tomoko never locks the door unless she's angry.

"Hey," he says.

No answer.

He knocks on the door.

"Idiot, open the door," he tries.

Still no answer.

There are muffled sounds of rummaging, pacing and bed creaking. His sister is ignoring him on purpose.

He knocks again. He knows she can't ignore him for long. She's too socially deprived that she's hungry for any form of attention. Tomoki tries not to linger on the fact that understanding this comes too naturally to him.

"What do you want?" Tomoko screams at him as she swings the door open.

She pretends to look angry. Or maybe she's really angry. He doesn't think about it.

"Come watch me play soccer tomorrow."

This trips her. He can see it in the way her mouth falls open and quickly closes.

Tomoki has no idea why he's said it. He thinks that if she agrees it's going to be a disaster on his part. People will know they are related.

"Why the hell would I do that?" she says. "I have things to do, you know. I don't have time for you."

Another lie.

"It's a match against an all-boy school. Didn't you say you want a damn boyfriend?" he says. "It's been, what, a year already? Talking to me for an hour clearly isn't helping. It's wasting my time. Come watch me play."

Tomoko scowls. Her face reddens and Tomoki doesn't know if it's anger or shame.

"NO!"

She slams the door in his face.

That night, Tomoki realises helping his sister isn't going to be easy. She doesn't come for her one hour therapy. In a darkest part of his mind, he notes that getting a door slammed at isn't as fun as being the one to slam the door.

:::::

Kirito kicks him in the butt. Tomoki smacks him back across the head. This is their morning greeting. They meet Tatsuya by his locker. He's talking to a girl classmate that Tomoki has no interest in. He recalls her as the one badmouthing his sister yesterday.

"Yo."

Tomoki grunts as he forces open his locker.

"You look like hell," Tatsuya says.

"Thanks," says Tomoki.

"You're still cute, Kuroki-kun," says the girl shyly.

"Thanks," says Tomoki.

The girl blushes, ducks her head and stammers, "Ah, well. Good luck on your match today, Kuroki-kun."

She runs off before Tomoki can reply. _She's cute_, he thinks absently.

"Man, she's so into you," says Tatsuya. He sounds disappointed.

Needless to say, it's Wednesday and Tomoki is damn tired. He usually doesn't fully wake up until morning break. He tries to store some energy after first period by sleeping through break and second period, but his friends won't let him.

Yuichi is talking to him about the health class essay he's already finished. Tomoki isn't even aware that there is homework.

"Isn't it due next week?" says Kirito.

"Huh? Yeah, it is," says Yuichi abashedly.

"I was thinking of starting on it today," says Tatsuya. "It's gonna be a piece of cake."

"Aren't you gonna watch the match?" says Kirito.

"Oh that's right! Your father is a psychologist isn't he, Tatsu?" Yuichi perks up. "You can ask him all about the essay."

"He's a psychotherapist," says Tatsuya. "He wants me to be a doctor, too."

Tomoki straightens up from his desk with a sigh. He really can't sleep when they are talking over him like this. He is met with Tatsuya's smug face and immediately wants to groan. Tomoki doesn't want to think about homework right now.

Yuichi blinks. "Oh?"

"He thinks I have a knack for reading people." Tatsuya shrugs.

Kirito snorts.

"You do? I've never seen you do it before," says Yuichi, honestly curious.

"Of course, I do. For example, I can tell when somebody is lying."

Tomoki gets up from his desk and makes towards the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Toilet."

"Dude's lying," says Tatsuya.

"Come watch me play," Tomoki says the moment he enters Tomoko's class.

Tomoko flushes, looks around the class and ducks her head.

"No," she hisses. "Go away."

"Not until you say you'll come watch me play."

"Go away," she pleads.

Tomoki sighs and walks out of the room. Behind him, he can hear his sister's classmate trying to ask his sister about him. He can hear Tomoko trips all over herself trying to speak. Tomoki rubs his forehead and head back to his classroom.

There's got to be something he can do.

* * *

_Note: This is my first time writing on this site and for a manga/anime. Please be nice to me. Also feel free to leave reviews! This is a sort of a Fix It story, written mostly from Tomoki's perspective. _

_Disclaimer: Only the plot, Tatsuya, Kirito and Yuichi are of my own making. _


	2. Between a House and a Home

Between a House and a Home

Tomoki doesn't know what he is doing picking his sister over his friends. He trudges down the hallway littered with students who only have half the heart to give him their usual stares.

The upper floor is better. Nobody stares at him.

With his lunchbox in one hand and water bottle in the other, he enters Tomoko's class to find that it is mostly empty except for his sister and some other girl who is standing over her making Tomoko look like she's about to wet her pants.

He assesses the situation from the blackboard and relaxes when he figures that his sister isn't embarrassing herself more than necessary.

When the silky black haired girl turns around, there is a smile on her face and this trips Tomoki. The girl is _genuinely_ smiling, like she's just enjoyed spending her time with his creep of a sister.

"Oh, hello!" the girl says when she sees him. "Good luck on your match today."

"Er, thanks," he says and wonders how this girl knows who he is.

"I'm Megumi Imae, the school representative," she says.

"Ah. I thought you look familiar," he says, though not really.

Behind her, his sister is throwing him glares. He ignores her.

"I'll be cheering for our school today. Enjoy lunch with your friends!" she says and then darts off before he can get a word in.

"What are you doing here?" Tomoko says, glowering.

"Lunch," he says. "What did the school rep want with you?"

Tomoko suddenly looks smug and Tomoki is beginning to regret his question.

"She likes me!" says Tomoko.

Tomoki drags a chair to her desk and sits across from her. "Yeah?"

"Yeah! I think she's a lesbian or something. She probably had a lot of girlfriends before, seems like she's really interested in me."

"Huh," he says.

He thinks she's lying again.

"What? You don't believe me?" she says accusingly.

"No," he says.

Tomoki opens his lunchbox and starts eating. He is grateful that Tomoko is too caught up on the school rep to interrogate why he is here. Tomoki isn't sure himself. He thinks he might be crazy.

Tomoko doesn't look like she's in a hurry to leave, which is strange, considering she was trying to get out of the classroom for lunch yesterday. Instead, she opens her own lunchbox and sighs happily at the contents.

He wonders if this is the first time she's had somebody to have lunch with and he feels sorry for her. Tomoki tries not to let it show because his sister is damn good at sensing changes in the atmosphere. They eat in silence, the hard-to-come-by peace that Tomoki realises he likes and will never get around his friends. It unsettles him to think that he might even want to do this again with his sister.

The thought scares him.

"Oh hey, Kuroki-san!"

There are two girls standing by the door. One of them is waving at his sister.

"A-ah, hi. Ah…" Tomoko stammers, blushing profusely.

The happy girl now turns to smile at Tomoki too. "Hello, I'm Hina Nemoto, Kuroki-san's desk-mate!"

They stop by the desk.

He considers his options, and opts to being stoic.

"I'm from the soccer team," he says, ignoring Nemoto's attempt to make friends.

If she is genuinely nice, why hasn't she tried to get to know his sister? Aren't desk-mates supposed to be good friends?

The blonde girl beside Nemoto looks sort of bitchy too, reminding him of that girl in his class who made fun of his sister yesterday.

He stares up at them.

They stare back.

His sister is fumbling in her seat like a loser.

"Are you related to Okada by any chance?" he asks the blonde one.

The blonde girl grins, all feral and smirky. "I'm Akira's sister, Ayaka Okada."

Tomoki nods. "Your sister has quite a mouth on her, you know."

Across from him, his sister chokes and covers her mouth with her hands.

Okada flushes, stammering, "W-what do you mean?"

Nemoto looks like she wants to laugh but is too polite to.

"Nothing important," says Tomoki before returning to his lunch.

He shoves his water bottle at his sister, which she fumbles before managing to accept.

The two girls hover by the desk a few seconds longer before awkwardly realising that they are dismissed.

"Oh, well. I'll see you later, Kuroki-san and…ah," says Nemoto.

His sister waves hastily, stammering over her goodbye. When they are out of earshot, she whirls around to glare at him.

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Humiliate me!"

"I didn't."

"You shouldn't have said that to Okada."

"But it's true. And unlike you, I don't have to lie to be interesting," he says without real bite. He grimaces when he picks up his water bottle and realises it's empty. "You drank all my water?"

"Serves you right for being a pervert."

"Are you an idiot?" he says. "Didn't you know Okada was making fun of you? Stop being such an embarrassment."

Tomoko shoots up from her chair, but quickly sits down again when a group of boys enter the class. She glares helplessly at her lunch, looking like she wants to kill somebody and cry at the same time.

"I'm only joking," he gives in, "you haven't made a fool of yourself today. Except this morning when you tried to walk through the door without opening it."

"Shut up," she grumbles, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

Tomoki tries not to cringe.

"Aren't you the freshman from the soccer team?"

The group of boys approach their desk.

His sister flinches and sinks into her seat.

Tomoki turns around in his chair.

The boy who spoke has messy brown hair and thick-rimmed glasses. He looks friendly enough. He sort of reminds Tomoki of Kirito with that obnoxious grin. Maybe this is what Kirito will look like with glasses, he thinks absently.

"I'm Kiyota. Good luck with your match today," he says loudly.

"Thanks."

Only then does Kiyota notice his sister fidgeting in her seat. Tomoko looks like she wants to die, and Tomoki thinks she's being ridiculous.

"Oh. You're with Kuroki. I'm not interrupting am I?" says Kiyota.

"No. I'm trying to convince her to come cheer me," he says as if Kiyota is his long time friend.

"Ah, I see. Our Kuroki is really shy, I don't think she cares much for sports," says Kiyota.

His sister whimpers and looks like she is about to turn into a blob of slime.

Tomoki raises his eyebrows and Kiyota adds in hastily, "That isn't to say our Kuroki isn't interested in you or anything! Oh man, I'm a complete disaster today-"

"Is that Kuroki-level?" one of his friends snickers.

"Kuroki-level?" says Tomoki.

"Ah, nothing! Never mind. Let's go," says Kiyota before rushing away with his friends.

"Kuroki-level?" he repeats to his sister.

Tomoko grimaces. "It's a joke."

"It doesn't sound very funny."

"Everybody thinks it's funny," she says.

"I don't."

Tomoko snorts. "Of course not, since you're a Kuroki."

"That's not it," he says.

Tomoko shoves the rest of her lunch in her mouth and swallows with difficulty.

"Whatever," she says.

"Did that guy just call you 'our Kuroki'?" says Tomoki as an afterthought.

His sister's hands are shaking. "He calls everybody that."

"Have you ever talked to him?"

"Why do you care?" she snaps.

Tomoki shrugs. "Sounds like he knows a lot about you."

She doesn't answer. And the last thing Tomoki wants is to put ideas into her head.

By the end of lunch, Tomoki enters his own classroom with a revelation. His sister isn't so much a nobody as she is awkward. People do acknowledge her, but they just aren't her friends. Well, he cannot blame them when even he recognises his sister for a creep. He wonders if there's a cure for that.

"Oh hey," Yuichi says when Tomoki returns with an empty lunchbox. "Where were you?"

Tomoki thinks he might just be imagining it, but Yuichi is staring at him weirdly, like he's hiding something. Kirito who sits at the back of the class is watching him too.

He shrugs and sits down.

"By the way, captain came by earlier. The match is postponed," says Yuichi.

Tomoki sits up. "It is?"

"Yeah. The all-boys school got into some sort of road accident. It's nothing major, though," says Yuichi, "We'll have practice today instead."

Tomoki nods.

Tatsuya enters the class just seconds before their maths teacher does. And the day carries on with nothing particularly interesting until soccer practice.

To say that his run-ins with Kiyota and Ogino after school are interesting would be one big fat lie. Tomoki thinks those two encounters border a nightmare than anything else.

He's finished changing into his soccer clothes and is jogging around the soccer field when he sees Kiyota standing by the bleachers with Kirito who's already finished his warmup. The obvious hasn't struck him until the fact is shoved in his face. Tomoki thinks he's an idiot for not having figured it out sooner.

He supposes this is some sort of price he has to pay for trying not to think too much. When he approaches the bleachers with Yuichi following after, Tatsuya is there with Okada's sister talking animatedly. Kiyota nods at him, but Kirito is avoiding Tomoki's eyes.

Tomoki pretends he doesn't notice, and promptly makes himself forget about it.

"Hey. Too bad the match is cancelled, right?" Kiyota says with a smile.

Tomoki nods and bends down to re-tie his shoelaces.

"Good thing you didn't manage to convince Kuroki to come, yeah?"

He looks up, and is caught by surprise to see his friends' expectant faces staring down at him.

"What?" he says, and then, "Kirito, is this your brother?"

"Yeah. He's Kiyota Takanashi," says Kirito, still won't meet his eyes.

"You have Ogino for homeroom?" he says to Kiyota, standing up.

When Kiyota nods, Tomoki wonders if he should break the bubble and tell them that he has a sister and she is in Kiyota's class. He decides against it when he sees the uncomfortable looks on their faces.

"What's going on?" he says.

Yuichi and Kirito exchange looks and Tomoki is getting impatient.

"Guys," he says.

"Nothing. It's just that, you were missing during lunch, and ah, Tatsuya went to look for you," says Yuichi. "He found you on the sophomore floor with a girl, and…"

Kirito cuts in, "It's just, the girl you're interested in, Tomoki, she isn't good for you!"

Tomoki blanches. He turns to Kiyota who is now slowly edging away from them like he's guilty of something. Tomoki knows his reaction is the worst when he is caught off guard, and this is one of those times that he is _really_ caught off guard.

"You told them?" he says to Kiyota who half freezes on spot.

"Sorry. My brother came asking and I…"

"Whatever," he says because he's an idiot. "What's wrong with having lunch with somebody else?"

A hand slaps him on his back and the feral face of Tatsuya is grinning at him.

"There's nothing wrong with that, dude. Only Tomoko Kuroki isn't like the other girls, you know," Tatsuya is babbling now, "There's been a rumour going around that—"

"Okay, enough. I really don't care what you guys think of her," he says, and doesn't know if he should be angry or embarrassed.

His friends look startled, like they didn't expect him to defend his own damn creep of a sister or something.

"Look," he says. "Why don't you guys come by my house this weekend?"

Yuichi stutters, "I– you, what _really_?"

"Yeah," he says weakly, already regretting it.

"Are you serious?" Tatsuya says, clutching his shoulders. "You never invite us over! Like ever."

"Yeah, well…"

"You won't be taking your words back will you?" Kirito says.

"No, no I won't." Tomoki inwardly weeps. And to make matters worse for himself, he turns to Kiyota and says, "Takanashi- er, Kiyota. You come too."

This trips Kiyota, obviously, to be invited by a freshman like they are equals. But Kirito is staring at Kiyota so heatedly that the older brother is pressured into agreeing.

"Ah, okay. Fine. I'll go," says Kiyota hastily. "But I can't stay long. I have things to do."

"Dude's lying," says Tatsuya.

:::::

Then right after soccer practice, he has that run-in with Ogino who's just finished rallying the track students.

"Kuroki," she says.

Tomoki's heart plummets into his stomach.

"Ah, yes."

"How's your family doing?" she says.

Tomoki knows she only means Tomoko and so he says, "Fine."

"You've been thinking over what I said?" she says.

"Yes," he says.

"Good. See you around, Kuroki."

Ogino walks off again and Tomoki wishes they don't ever see each other again.

When Tomoki gets home, his sister is eating her dinner with their mother. Tomoki thinks it's an odd sight.

"I'm home," he says.

"How's the match, Tomoki. Did you win?" his mother says, standing up to collect the empty plates and making a new dish for him.

His sister cuts in, "I'm sorry I couldn't go watch! I know you really wanted me to, but something came up and it was _really_ important so I had to do that instead!"

His eye twitches, and he feels like choking her. "No, I understand. I know you would've come if you didn't have plans."

Tomoko flips her hair and grins. "Of course! I mean, if it's next week, I totally could go. But since it was this week I was really busy."

He narrows his eyes.

"Yeah. I know you would _totally_ be there if the match is next week," he says.

"Exactly!"

"Good," says Tomoki. "Because today's match is postponed. I'll be expecting you in the crowd cheering your heart out next week, _sis._"

And he doesn't know what he's getting out of making both his and his sister's lives miserable. But he remembers Ogino and her words, and he thinks that maybe he's doing the right thing.

:::::

The weekend arrives quicker than Tomoki hopes. He's only had the heart to tell his mother and sister last night that he's having friends over. His mother is excited, but his sister, on the other hand, threw the biggest tantrum he's seen as of late.

She isn't happy that she isn't going to be free to walk from her room to the fridge and back. Tomoki thinks she's being ridiculous, but again, he doesn't have social anxiety so he really cannot judge. He googles about it and realises that not leaving the room when visitors are over is actually a legit symptom of SAD, and decides to apologise to Tomoko but promptly forgets about it.

The internet is a truly amazing place. He's learned more from Wikipedia than he has the whole two months of high school. Again, he doesn't think his sister is a big fan of Wikipedia as much as she is a fan of virtual dating games that is her downfall.

And this is totally why he's invited Kiyota over. Tomoki thinks anyway. This is absolutely why he's trying to hook his sister up with Kirito's brother. It's a half-assed attempt on his part, but nobody gets to say that he isn't trying. He doesn't _know_ Kiyota Takanashi, but he knows Kirito, and they can't be that different, right?

Tomoki's initial plan was to bring his friends over and officially introduce them to his creepy sister, but nothing is going as planned because Tomoko wouldn't come out of her room. It's ridiculous.

They are lazing about in Tomoki's bedroom, and Kiyota is flipping through some old soccer magazine when the latter starts cracking up. He drops the magazine and Tatsuya and Kirito drop their joysticks, scrambling over to where the sophomore is curled up on the floor.

Kiyota is _howling_, and Tomoki has half the mind to think 'oh shit' even before he sees it. The others start cracking up too, and Tomoki curses in his head.

"Oh god, you weren't jacking off to this were you?" Tatsuya is saying.

Yuichi is hiding his face behind his hands.

Tomoki flushes, picks up the damn magazine with his sister's face plastered all over the players and stashes it back on the shelf.

"Shut up," he says but they aren't listening. "It's not my fault she has a fucking weird sense of humour, okay."

This stops them. Even time seems like it has frozen over.

"What d'you mean, Tomoki?" says Yuichi softly.

"Nothing," he says hastily, slumping back down on the floor.

Tatsuya manages to put two and two together faster than the rest. "She came by your house before?"

Tomoki wants to slap him. He doesn't answer. This day is going terribly.

His friends take his silence as a yes and gape. "You're that close to Kuroki-san?"

"Obviously!" Tatsuya is saying to the others. "They're close enough that she's comfortable leaving troll pictures in his room!"

This trips everybody, and Tomoki wants to bury himself in his floorboards and never come out again. Everybody is quiet for a long moment.

His mother calls from downstairs, mentioning something about lunch and that she's going out to the market. That follows with the front door closing and a car igniting in the garage.

Still. Nobody speaks.

Tomoki chances a look at his friends, then at Kiyota.

Kiyota looks unsettled, like he isn't sure what to make of this situation.

It's Tatsuya who speaks. "I knew you're a private guy, Tomoki. But I never thought you'd keep the fact that you're dating a sophomore from us."

"I'm not-"

"What do you see in Kuroki-san, anyway?" says Kirito. "How far have you two gone?"

It's a knee jerk reaction but Tomoki kicks Kirito in the ribs. His friend keels over, and surprisingly Kiyota adds in a smack across his brother's head.

"Don't say stuff like that," says Kiyota, "can't you see you're making him uncomfortable?"

And then, Tatsuya says, "Wait. You guys aren't related are you? You two have really similar names."

_This is it_. This is his chance to tell them everything—

"That's not funny Tatsu. Tomoki's going out with Kuroki-san. They can't be siblings," Yuichi says.

Tomoki deflates. His chance is gone.

"You're right. Sorry," says Tatsuya, scratching his short spiky hair.

Tomoki is kind of lost on what to do right now.

"So, what's Kuroki like when you get to know her?" says Kiyota thoughtfully.

The others are looking at him too.

"I thought you guys said she isn't a good match?" he says evasively.

This is really uncomfortable. He wonders if Tomoko can hear them from the other room. He really hope she can't.

Kirito and Yuichi exhange a look. "Ah well…you really like her. Maybe we judged too soon."

"Besides, nobody knows her personally. I suppose she isn't as weird as the rumours make it," Tatsuya says.

His friends are strangely supportive and Tomoki doesn't know if he should be grateful and hateful towards them. They are really stupid, he thinks.

"She's smart," Tomoki says. "She's _really_ smart."

Kiyota nods. "Yeah, I suppose she is. She's top of our class. Some of my friends even considered asking her to tutor them."

"Really?"

"Ah, yeah. But I don't think she'll be up for it. She's really shy," says Kiyota.

"That's not what you told me, the other day!" Kirito cuts in.

Kiyota flushes and glares at his brother.

"Didn't you say it's because people think she's a lesbian? That's why you guys don't talk to her?"

"What? I-"

"You won't talk to someone because of who they like?" says Tomoki. He doesn't think that's fair.

"Ah, no. That's not it," says Kiyota. "It's just. She doesn't seem like she want any friends, you know? And it's embarrassing to say this, but she doesn't answer us when we talk to her. It's like we're out of her league or something."

"Wait. Isn't that because she's shy?" Tatsuya says.

"Right. Didn't you say she's really shy, Takanashi-kun?" says Yuichi.

"Ah, er, right."

Suddenly, the door to his room bursts open. Tomoko is standing in the doorway in her boyshorts and spaghetti tee. At least she isn't up to anything creepy this time. She looks like she's only just gotten out of bed.

"Hey, where's-" Her eyes widen when she sees his friends.

She slams the door shut before any of them can get a glimpse of her face.

Tomoki sighs.

His friends turn around and sees no one. They all hear a muffled sound of a second door closing.

"Who was that?"

"Is there a girl in this house?"

"I don't know. I just saw really pretty legs."

"I'll be right back," says Tomoki and leaves them in his room.

He bombards into his sister's room. It's dark and the curtains are drawn and there's a shivering lump inside the covers on the bed.

"What did you want?" he says.

"Why didn't you tell me you have friends over?" comes the whimpering voice from under the cover.

"I _told_ you last night," he says, exasperated.

She doesn't answer. "Why d'you have to bring them over? It's not fair."

"What's not fair?"

He grabs the blankets and yank them off of her.

Tomoko is sitting curled up with her head to her knees, her skinny arms hugging her legs. Tomoki think she's crying.

"Are you happy now? Did you bring them over to rub it in my face that I have no friends?" she cries.

Tomoki freezes.

"What?"

"Are you that happy to see me by myself? That's why you keep coming to eat lunch with me, right?" Tomoko looks up and her face is a mess of tears and misery. "Does that satisfy your big ego, little brother?"

Oh.

His heart drops.

He wants to touch her head, comfort her somehow, but he doesn't know how long it's been since she's last washed her hair. So he pats her shoulder awkwardly instead.

"That's not it," he says. "Er, I actually wanted them to meet my sister."

Tomoko tenses.

"But whatever. You don't have to," he says hastily, afraid she's going to throw another tantrum.

"Okay," she says, relaxing a little. "Can you tell them something for me?"

Tomoki stiffens. "What is it?"

About five minutes later, Tomoki returns into his room, his hair messy and his face grim. His friends turn to stare at him.

Kiyota sits up. "Hey, is everything-"

"Guys," says Tomoki, "Did you know that if you have just one cute _prickly _cactus, you can SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS?"

"What the hell?" says Tatsuya, and they all burst out laughing.

Tomoki closes the door and slumps down against it.

Everybody is still cracking up, loud and obnoxious. Tomoki imagines his sister in the other room, grinning happily as she lives vicariously through him.


	3. That Ghost Story Nobody Tells

That Ghost Story Nobody Tells

Kiyota has reason to believe that maybe the Kuroki household is haunted.

He is outside Tomoki's room making a phone call to Okada because she says so. But she isn't picking up, and just when Kiyota hangs up he hears the sound of a door creaking open ominously. He turns around, swears he hears footsteps, a whimper and a bang.

Kiyota is now staring at the door beside Tomoki's room. It is closed. And a moment ago, he swears somebody had been staring at him. But the door looks like it had never even been opened to begin with. So he shrugs and goes over to the toilet to wash his hands and maybe stare at himself in the mirror for a bit.

Three minutes later, Kiyota leaves the toilet after deeming today his bad hair day. He hears a scuffle sound from inside the room that isn't Tomoki's. Pushing his ear onto it, he hears a strange clicking noise, like somebody playing with a pair of scissors or running a fingernail across a comb.

A chill creeps up his spine. He runs into Tomoki's room.

"There's nobody else in this house is there?" the question slips out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

Tomoki freezes on the bed.

Tatsuya has stolen his office chair and is now wheeling it around the room for a source of entertainment.

"What, what did you see?" says Tomoki in that guarded voice. Kiyota thinks he can hear the fear.

"I, er, heard some noises, that's all," he says.

"Oh," the freshman says and returns to his magazine. But Kiyota thinks he looks a little pale.

Kiyota is a sophomore. He is older than all of them. He would like to say he isn't afraid of supernatural things, but that would be an overstatement. Rather, he thinks his fascination for the mysterious overpowers his fear of the unknown, so he does the only thing that makes sense.

He steals a pen and a pad paper.

"Where are you going?" Tomoki asks him, looking suspicious.

Kiyota has one hand on the doorknob when he looks over his shoulder. "I have something to do."

He shows the paper and the pen, and also his phone. Because anything that has to do with a phone always makes more sense.

Tomoki nods and returns to his soccer magazine.

_Hello, who are you? –K_

Kiyota scribbles his message and slips it under the room that isn't Tomoki's. He stands outside it and waits. The clipping sound inside continues. Kiyota sighs and against all common sense, taps the door. The clipping stops.

He thinks he might have a heart attack. Kiyota backs away and slides down against the wall.

He waits.

He checks his phone while he waits.

Finally, the piece of paper slips back out. Kiyota's breath catches.

_nobody_

The writing is super small and super shaky, like the person or thing that wrote it has zero self-esteem or something. Kiyota thinks it's a handwriting of a ghost, because ghosts are transparent.

_That's not true. We are all somebody once. –K_

Kiyota slips another paper inside.

He thinks ghosts really take a long time to write. But he's going to wait. Maybe he should try calling Okada again. He decides against it.

_you think so?_

The answer fascinates him. Kiyota thinks maybe this is a ghost with identity issue. It's sort of cute to say the least. He wonders if a ghost is a girl. Maybe he can help it.

_I really do. –K_

Kiyota checks his phone. Okada's just sent him some real weird text. He thinks a friend of hers is messing with her phone. He checks under the door again but there's still no reply. He is sort of disappointed. Maybe the ghost ran out of its object manipulation energy or something. It's definitely not because he'd said something wrong. Kiyota isn't that sort of person who blames himself.

He wonders what sort of person (thing?) the ghost is. He scribbles another note.

_Do you live here? –K_

This time the answer comes out faster, like the ghost has been waiting for a question. Maybe the ghost can only talk when somebody asks it a question. Maybe it's trying to tell him something.

_yes. are you tomoki's friend?_

Kiyota smiles. So the ghost knows Tomoki. Kiyota wonders how much Tomoki knows about the ghost.

_My brother is his friend. I'm just visiting. You know Tomoki? –K_

His phone vibrates. He doesn't check. He waits for the ghost's reply. It takes an eternity, and when the answer comes, it scares the crap out of Kiyota.

_i am tomoki's sister_

Kiyota leaves the house without saying goodbye.

"Kuroki is haunted by a dead sister," Kiyota tells Nemoto about it on Monday morning.

"What?" says Nemoto, eyes immediately finding Tomoko's desk.

"No. Not _that_ Kuroki. The soccer Kuroki!" he says.

"Her boyfriend?" says Nemoto.

"What does a soccer star see in her anyway? I don't get it," Okada butts in, plopping her head on the desk sleepily.

"That's not the point," says Kiyota. "This is serious, guys. I think it's some unhealthy obsession."

"Obsession? Do you notice Kuroki's eyebags?" says Okada now, "They are as big as her face."

Nemoto pokes Okada temple, saying hastily, "Ah…that's not nice Ayaka."

"Whatever," Okada huffs. "She's late again isn't she?"

"Are you listening to me? I think Tomoki Kuroki has some fixation on his dead sister or something. He sees his sister in our Kuroki and so he goes out with her," says Kiyota heatedly. "That's not healthy, guys. We gotta do something."

"Eh. It's their business who they date," says Okada.

"Ah, yeah. I don't think Kuroki will appreciate us butting in," says Nemoto. "She's such a private person."

Kiyota sighs.

"Honestly, they look kind of alike, don't they?" Okada puts in absently.

Nemoto giggles. "You know what they say. We look like the people love, right?"

Okada rolls her eyes. "That poor freshman. Falling in love with a corpse."

Kiyota thinks Okada's statement holds more depth than any of them can fathom.

This is creepy. This is scary. Kiyota knows he is too fascinated for his own good.

He can't stop staring at Tomoko Kuroki at all that day as he begins to plot his heroic exploit.

:::::

Meanwhile, Tomoki seeks Kiyota out on a Tuesday. It's morning break when he finds Kiyota by the vending machine outside.

"Takanashi-kun. Can I talk to you?"

"Soccer Kuroki, what is it?" Kiyota says and waves away his friends.

"Coming to the match tomorrow?" Tomoki asks.

"Yeah. Nemoto's brother is in that all-boys school team," says Kiyota. "So I have to be there."

Tomoki recalls Nemoto as that cute, smiley girl who is his sister desk-mate, and this unsettles him.

He tries not to frown. "You're not going out with her are you?"

"Oh, no. Gods, no," Kiyota splutters. "We've known each other since kindergarten. That'd be so wrong."

"You don't have a girlfriend?"

Kiyota looks embarrassed as he scratches his head. "No."

"I see," says Tomoki. "Look, I'm trying to convince my s– er, Tomoko to come watch me play tomorrow. Do you mind keeping an eye on her? She doesn't like crowds-"

"No problem at all!" Kiyota seems to light up.

Tomoki thinks this is good. Maybe there's a chance that Kiyota might actually like his sister. This should be easy then, he thinks. Tomoki grins.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks a lot, Takanashi-kun."

"Don't worry about it. I'll take good care of your girlfriend!"

Right. There's _that _problem. He's got to find a way to fix it soon.

At lunch, he finds Tomoko sneaking out of her classroom.

"What are you doing?" says Tomoki.

Tomoko jumps and looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

"I'm here to have lunch with you and you're avoiding me?" He narrows his eyes at her, and sure enough, his sister stutters like an idiot.

He grabs her by the arm and drags her back inside her own classroom. "We're having lunch together whether you like it or not."

He pushes Tomoko into her seat and drags a chair to sit across from her.

Tomoko stares blindly at her lunchbox and doesn't speak. Something is bothering her. Something is always bothering her.

"Why?" she asks.

"Why what?"

"Why do you have to eat your lunch with me?" she says without looking at him.

Tomoki wants to answer. He wants to tell her something that will help her. He also wants to tell her the truth. He doesn't think those two answers are the same.

"Because I want to," he says.

He doesn't know which answer this is, but Tomoko relaxes and he thinks it's the right thing to say.

"You'll come watch me play tomorrow won't you?"

Tomoko doesn't answer. But at least she hadn't said no.

At home, his sister is an entirely different person and it annoys him to death. She doesn't stutter, doesn't splutter, doesn't flush the shade of an exploding tomato. Instead, she turns him into all of these things with her creepy humour and indecipherable antics.

He arrives home from soccer practice and Tomoko is already eating her dinner. The fact that she's been eating her dinner at the dining table the past week still catches him by surprise. But it's a nice change, one that Tomoki welcomes.

"Hey," he says.

"Hey, little brother," she says and feeds him a piece of grilled fish as he walks by.

"Thanks."

He goes off to shower. He returns downstairs to find her sitting by the table doing her homework. He doesn't comment on her change of routine, instead he gives their mother one of those 'what's going on?' looks they share.

Their mother smiles and shrugs, and Tomoki thinks he hasn't seen her this happy in years.

When their mother leaves to do the laundry after setting up dinner for her son, Tomoki watches his sister scours through her essays and wonders if things had really changed. And if it has, he hopes it's for the better.

"You'll come watch me tomorrow, won't you?" he says.

Tomoko looks up from her work and scrutinises him.

"Why the heck would I do that?" she says.

He grunts. "Because I'm your bloody brother. Shouldn't you be cheering for me?"

Tomoko taps the pen to her temple and pretends to think. It's sort of endearing and ridiculous at the same time.

"Watch you shoot goals? I'll be happier watching you do it tonight," she says and smiles.

It takes Tomoki two seconds longer than necessary to register what she's just said.

Tomoki flushes and kicks her under the table. "Ugh. My sister is a creep."

Tomoko snickers and returns to her work.

When he finishes eating and is cleaning up the table, his sister is watching him.

He lets her.

"Is your friend coming over again this weekend?" she says out of the blue.

"Why? Have you finally decided to say hi?" he asks.

She doesn't answer.

Tomoki has a feeling she's hiding something. He doesn't know what.

:::::

"Good luck on your match today, Kuroki-kun!" the pretty girl who is Okada's sister tells Tomoki on a Wednesday morning.

"Thanks."

It's deja vu.

He doesn't like it.

"Man, she likes you," says Tatsuya.

Tomoki growls. "Can you stop saying that every time she talks to me?"

"But it's true!"

"Tomoki doesn't appreciate your insight, Tatsu. He's already got a girlfriend," Yuichi says, because Yuichi is the voice of reason.

But his reason is off.

"Guys. About that. Actually, I don't–"

"Hello, Kuroki's boyfriend! Good luck on your match today!" somebody shouts all the way from the stairs.

Tomoki waves hastily and tries not to scowl.

It's Nemoto.

He can feel stares on him. He can hear whispers. This is just so wrong.

"Too bad. Now everyone knows you two are dating," Tatsuya laughs.

Tomoki can feel his blood boil.

At lunch, he thinks people are watching him more intensely than before as he makes his way to his sister's class. It's annoying and he wants to shout at them to stop being idiots.

When he enters, he sees Kiyota and his guy friends. His sister is nowhere in sight.

"Oh, hey. It's soccer Kuroki."

"Where's my s– where's Tomoko?" he says.

Kiyota shrugs.

One of his friends pipes up. "She's probably hiding somewhere. Girls been annoying her about you nonstop."

Tomoki thinks _O__h crap. _Because he's completely forgotten how this will affect Tomoko. It will definitely hinder all his progress. He wants to kill everybody.

And he tells his sister this when he finds her in the infirmary.

"I will murder every single one of them," he says moodily.

"No. I'll do it. But you can help," says Tomoko.

One of the freshmen girls had pushed Tomoko halfway down the stairs. It's dangerous shit, but it's also high school and you know what they say. It's the training field for the real world.

"No. I'll do it," he argues.

"No. You can have, like, 3% of the kill. I've been storing up more anger than you. I deserve more kills," says Tomoko.

"5% and it's a deal. And I get to pick who I kill," he says and shoves a mouthful of rice into his sister's mouth.

Tomoko's dropped her lunchbox during the fall and she doesn't have anything to eat. It's a disaster. _She's _a disaster.

She smacks his head.

"Don't give me anymore. You need energy for your match today," she grumbles.

He scowls.

"Do you know who that girl was? The one who pushed you?"

She stares at the ceiling. "I thought she was Okada. But Okada didn't come to school today."

Tomoki immediately grimaces. "It's probably her sister."

"She has a sister?"

"Yeah. She's in my class. She likes me, apparently," he confesses and then cringes because that sounds narcissistic.

But his sister only snorts and plops back on the bed with a creepy smile. "I see. I'm not letting her marry you then. If you marry her, I'll trip her while she's walking down the wedding isle."

Tomoki shakes his head because his sister is immature as hell.

"Ooh! I know. I'll push her into your wedding cake! What do you think?"

"Shut up will you? Who says anything about marrying her?" he says grumpily. "I don't even like that girl."

Tomoko blinks. "You don't? But she's cute."

He shrugs and finishes his lunch. "I like you more."

Tomoko stares at him weirdly and he flushes. Somehow he feels like his words came out wrong.

Luckily his sister follows him. "That says a lot, doesn't it?"

Tomoki is relieved. "Yeah. I know."

Actually, he doesn't know.

But then his sister smiles. It's not creepy. It's soft and warm. And Tomoki thinks he doesn't need to know anything else but that smile, really.

:::::

"Look. Kiyota will keep you safe. Er, won't you?" says Tomoki.

Tomoko is shaking, and Kiyota is standing awkwardly by her side. They are in front of the nurse's office and it's after school and people are staring at them. Tomoki's phone keeps vibrating and he thinks Yuichi is calling him, and maybe their captain is angry.

"Of course," says Kiyota hastily.

"Just don't go anywhere on your own," says Tomoki. "If you need anything, just tell Kiyota. He's not your enemy. He's not going to embarrass you. He's a friend. Got it?"

Tomoki's read about this on the internet. How to calm a socially anxious person, and he prays to the almighty god that it works. He thinks he's stupid for not trying it out sooner. Now's too late to come up with a back up plan. And he's running bloody late and the team is going to slaughter him before he gets to slaughter that 5% of the population.

"I– o-okay," says Tomoko. She's still shaking, yet she manages to find her voice again and that's an improvement.

"Great. Okay. I'll be going now. Thanks a lot, Takanashi-kun," says Tomoki, starts to rush off.

Tomoko grabs him.

"What is it?"

"A-ah. Good luck…" his sister splutters.

Tomoki tries not to look too happy, even though it's the first time his sister wishes him luck.

:::::

Kiyota thinks this is the perfect opportunity for him to implement his heroic plan. He isn't sure how he's going to go about doing it; he's never the sort to plan too far ahead.

His goal is to get Tomoko to think of him as a friend and then he will convince her that Tomoki isn't good for her. He knows it's cruel, but if that soccer Kuroki is using her to replace his dead sister then it's pretty fair that Kiyota helps her out any way he can. Even if that means getting Tomoko to like him more than she likes Tomoki.

But of course, if it comes down to that, he's got to find out how far Tomoko and Tomoki had gone. Which isn't going to be easy, considering both of them are goddamn private people. And he cannot go around asking soccer Kuroki without rousing suspicion. Soccer Kuroki might think he's trying to steal his girlfriend. And even though that may _technically_ be true, he has good intentions.

Kiyota is doing this for the greater good. Absolutely.

Besides, he's got to save a helpless girl who's stuck in a bad relationship with a disturbed guy. Kiyota is definitely the hero here.

"So, ah. Kuroki-san. How's your ankle?" he says quietly as they make their way to the soccer field.

Tomoko looks at him, wide-eyed. He thinks he sees her panic but before he can make certain, she looks away.

"A-ah…f-fine," she breathes.

Kiyota tries to laugh off her nervousness. He can practically feel it radiating from her. He thinks he might walk into it as if it's a solid wall, as if it has a weight of its own. It's _that _strong.

"You're really quiet, Kuroki-san," Kiyota says. "It's cute. No wonder Kuroki-kun likes you a lot."

Tomoko flushes and hides her face behind her curtain of hair. Her hair is pretty. Her shoulders are shaking and he wonders if he's said something wrong. But it only lasts half a second, because he's not that sort of person.

He notices the big crowd ahead of them.

"Hey. I think the match is starting soon!" he says. "We need to get our seats before they're taken."

Without meaning to, Kiyota takes Tomoko's hand and together they run.

* * *

_Note: Hello, if you like the story, please do leave lots of reviews! You do not know how much I appreciate them._


	4. The Hand that Saves

The Hand that Saves

It's not like he's going to find his sister among the cheering crowds, but Tomoki looks anyway.

On the bleachers, Tomoko is sitting with her hands over her ears as the crowd cheers for their school team. She cannot tell which one of them is her brother so she doesn't try.

"Hey, I think Kuroki is searching for you!" Kiyota nudges her.

On his other side, Hina Nemoto giggles. "That's so sweet. Stand up and wave, come on!"

Tomoko thinks she's going to cry.

:::::

In the end, Tomoko leaves the crowd half an hour into the match and Kiyota doesn't notice until an hour later.

Kiyota panics and goes look for Tomoko. He finds her ten minutes later stumbling out of the locker room with tears in her eyes and her face flushed. She has a hand over her chest and one against the wall.

"Kuroki-san! Are you okay?"

He sees her flinch, so he lowers his voice.

"Ah, are you alright?"

"F-fine…" She fumbles with her bag and doesn't look at him. She never looks at him.

"Are you not feeling well? Do you want to go home? I can take you–"

"I'm fine," Tomoko cuts him off hastily and sinks down on the floor.

She adjusts her position to look like she actually meant to sit down.

Kiyota doesn't comment on it. Instead, he sits beside her and leans against the wall.

"Man, the match is boring," he tries, "Our team is going to win, there's no doubt about it."

And it's true. Tomoki Kuroki is the star of this match and he's already had the all-boys school beat.

Tomoko doesn't answer.

Kiyota thinks this sort of silence is quite comfortable and it's hard to come by around his friends.

From here, they can hear the cheers from the soccer field in the distant but life seems like it is miles away. There is nothing here. The orange sun filters through the windows and onto the long corridor. It's nice, he thinks.

They are behind the gym and it's a cool place to sit and just think. Beside him, Tomoko fidgets. She looks restless.

"W-why…why aren't you with, with Nemoto?" she says, barely a whisper.

Kiyota isn't sure how to answer that. Should he say he doesn't like crowds? Would that get him on her good side? Or should he say he doesn't like Hina? Does Tomoko like Hina?

"I was looking for you. I promised Kuroki-kun I'd take care of you, didn't I?" he says instead.

"S-sorry…" Tomoko grimaces.

Kiyota cuts in hastily, "Don't worry about it. I'd rather be with you than at the match anyway. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of soccer."

Tomoko blushes and stares at her lap. Her hair falls over, hiding her face from him.

Kiyota has the impulse to tug her hair out of the way, so he can gorge her reaction properly. But maybe Tomoko won't appreciate it. Maybe she'll hate him. He doesn't know her that well.

"Kuroki-san. I'm just wondering," he starts. "Can I call you Tomoko? We're classmates after all. And since we're on speaking terms…"

Tomoko's black eyes snap up to meet his. He is surprised to see life burning so passionately behind those eyes. It's a fire that stirs something in his chest. It looks like hope, but also like fear, and Kiyota finds himself stuttering.

"A-ah, you don't have to– I mean, if you don't want to be friends, that's—that's fine, I…"

"Friends?" Tomoko says. She looks startled, like he's just slapped her or something.

"I'm sorry for asking. We're not that close after all, I don't know what I was thinking," he splutters.

The light in her eyes dims as she looks away.

"If, if you want to be…my friend. T-that's fine," she whispers.

"Really?" he says. "You're okay with that?"

Tomoko nods, and her cheeks blush a pretty colour.

Kiyota grins. "That's awesome. I get to be Tomoko's friend before anybody! Wait 'til my friends hear about this."

Tomoko tenses, and her face pales.

"Ah, I won't tell them if you don't want me to," he immediately says. "That's fine with me."

Tomoko nods. Or Kiyota thinks she nodded, he isn't sure. Tomoko is just so subtle that it's hard for him to tell. But she doesn't leave which he takes as a good sign.

Too bad the two of them don't linger long out of sight. Maybe Kiyota could have gotten Tomoko's number after a little preamble. He supposes that's got to wait.

They head back to the soccer field just in time to see Tomoki Kuroki score the last goal right before the sound of the whistle. It's extremely cliche, Kiyota thinks, but it's impressive enough that he doesn't mind.

Tomoko watches Tomoki gets swarmed by the crowd. Kiyota thinks there is something lonely in her eyes. She looks so sad that Kiyota feels an urge to give her a hug, but that'd be stepping out of line; he doesn't want to scare the crap out of Tomoko on the day she decides they are friends.

:::::

The crowd cheers and follows Tomoki like a loyal pet to the side of the bleachers. Tomoko is staring at her feet, because she's just caught Kiyota watching her and she doesn't know why.

Her brother calls her name.

Tomoko looks up and her breath catches, not at the grinning face of her brother, but the sight of the crowd that tags along with him. She wants to run.

:::::

Tomoki is too high on his win to notice and the first thing he remembers doing is hug his sister. She struggles in his arms but he ignores it, because his sister deserves a hug for making it through the game.

His head gets ripped out of the clouds and the euphoria shatters when the spectators coo and one of his teammates has the guts to wolf whistle.

"You should punch that guy," Tomoko tells him as he pulls away.

"He's my kill," says Tomoki.

His sister blinks up at him, then the belated joke registers and she grins.

Tomoki laughs at the silly look on her face, and he swears he's going to slaughter all of his friends.

Over his sister's shoulder, the conflict on Kiyota's face doesn't go unnoticed. Tomoki knows he can use that.

"You stink," Tomoko says, because she is his conscience.

Yeah, but somebody's got to do something to help you, he thinks.

:::::

Kiyota seeks Tomoki out in the locker room. He recounts to him what happened during the match, and worries that Tomoko might be feeling unwell. Tomoki listens.

"Kuroki, c'mon! We've got a few hours before curfew," one of his teammates shouts.

They are heading to celebrate their victory at some joint restaurant.

Tomoki is about to tell them he's fine and that he can't go when Kiyota offers it.

"I can walk Tomoko home if you like. Enjoy the night with your team. You deserve it, kid," Kiyota says.

"Are you sure?" Tomoki says.

"Yeah. We'll be fine." Kiyota smiles.

Tomoki only agrees because he is tired and hasn't thought it through properly. They part ways by the school gate, and Tomoko looks less nervous than she had been at the beginning of the match. He thinks it's an improvement.

"I'll see you tonight," Tomoki tells her.

Tomoko nods and waves.

Neither of them notice the odd looks they get from their friends.

:::::

Kiyota walks that path he's walked with his brother last weekend. The comment Tomoki makes unsettles him, and Kiyota wonders if it's just something the freshman said unconsciously, like when people say 'see you' or 'love you, bye' after a phone call, some words that they throw out but do not really mean.

His doubt vanishes, however, when they reach their destination.

"Ah, isn't this…isn't this Kuroki's house?" says Kiyota.

Confusion must've written all over his face.

Tomoko nods. It's tentative. Her eyes don't leave his eyes when she nods, and he thinks it's adorable because she is obviously gorging his reaction. And it's funny too, because she is starting to look as confused as he feels. He wonders if confusion is contagious or Tomoko is just extremely receptive.

"B-bye," Tomoko says and fumbles with the lock.

Kiyota panics. He's seriously got to step up his game if Tomoko is staying at Tomoki's house tonight. The thought makes him flush, and his fingers are now alien things.

"Ah, Kuro– I mean, Tomoko. Can I have your number?" he blurts out.

Tomoko freezes.

In the end, they manage to exchange numbers and Kiyota no longer is the only one blushing. This is something, he thinks. But he's really got to step up his game if he's going to win Tomoko over.

The soccer star's words of 'See you tonight' becomes clear, and it's beginning to bother Kiyota a little too much.

This is crazy, he tells himself.

:::::

When Tomoki gets home at quarter past eight he is exhausted. He greets his mum and stumbles his way up the stairs. He drops his bags in front of the bathroom and takes a quick shower before entering his room.

He doesn't usually do this. But he is too tired and he doesn't think he will make it out of his bedroom if he enters to get his clothes.

Yawning, he stumbles into his room in a towel and freezes.

The lights to his room is on.

His eyes take a little time to focus and he sees his sister asleep on his bed, her phone clutched tight to her chest. She must've been waiting for him, he thinks and sighs.

He puts on his pyjamas in a hurry and stumbles into bed. Her phone makes a beeping noise and he wrenches it out of her grasp.

Tomoko grumbles and rolls over against the wall and that pretty much leaves the whole bed to him. If she doesn't invade his space during the night he is sure he isn't going to mind.

Her phone beeps again.

Tomoki checks it.

His eyebrows shoot up at what he finds. A smile creeps onto his face and he stifles a chuckle.

_Kiyota: Have a good night Tomoko-chan!_

_Tomoko: yes thank you for everything kiyota-kun_

_Kiyota: Today was fun. I'll see you tomorrow!_

_Tomoko: see you_

_Kiyota: I just got home. I'm glad we got to know each other._

_Kiyota: Good thing we have no homework today. I'm tired._

Tomoki guesses this is where his sister fell asleep since she doesn't reply. Instead, there's another message from Kiyota.

_Kiyota: I'm going to bed now. Good night again. See you at school, Tomoko-chan._

Tomoki turns to stare at his sister's sleeping form and a smile graces his lips. He reflects.

A month ago, the mere thought of his sister would creep him out, much less the idea of having her next to him in his bed. But now it seems natural, like they might be able to interact like normal siblings or something. And the thought gives him hope, it fills him up at the parts of his heart where he has long forgotten. It's silly, he thinks. It's silly how he can forget this warmth that resembles his sister, this childhood nostalgia he thought he had lost forever ago. It's got to mean something that Tomoki can feel it again, right?

It's got to mean something that he's trying to feel her again.

:::::

The days are getting warmer. Tomoki is sitting in third period and he's in a good mood. He notices the way the class is throwing curious looks at him but he cannot bring himself to care.

He almost smiles at Akira Okada even but he catches himself. Tomoki turns to stare out the window instead. His good mood doesn't last, however, and his senses start to kick in. There's something different with the way people greeted him.

"Hey Kuroki. Got a good night's sleep?" asks one of his teammates when he ran into him this morning.

"Er, yeah. You?" Tomoki says.

His teammate elbows a friend and the two of them snicker. "Not as good as yours I'm guessing."

Tomoki blinks. "Er. Okay."

He leaves them there.

His run-in with Yuichi at the locker was sort of strange too.

"Hey, Tomoki."

"Hey."

"How did last night go?" says Yuichi.

"What do you mean?"

"Ah nothing," says Yuichi. "See you in class. I got some errands to run."

Tomoki wouldn't say he's a slow person, he just happens to be extremely slow on this particular uptake. When Tatsuya attacks him at lunch, Tomoki is hit by the force of the revelation.

"You're in a good mood today, aren't ya?"

Tomoki's just about to make his way to his sister's class.

"What are you talking about?" Tomoki grumbles but his lips twitches.

Kirito laughs and pats Tomoki's shoulder.

"Did you know my brother was freaking the hell out when he ended up sending your girlfriend to your house?"

Tomoki freezes. "What?"

Tatsuya laughs and elbows Kirito. "I bet your bro got all jealous since he never got laid!"

"Oh shut up. It's not like you ever did either," says Kirito.

Tomoki blanches. He can feel himself pale.

He leaves immediately.

Tomoki panics when he enters Tomoko's class and doesn't find her there. The black scribbles and vile words on her desk make him feel sick. He leaves his lunchbox there and runs out again.

"Have you seen Tomoko?" he yells at the first person he sees.

It happens to be Nemoto.

"I'm so sorry Kuroki-kun!" Nemoto says immediately. "I should've stopped them. I–"

"What happened? Where's Tomoko?"

"O-Ogino took her to the infirmary. Some girls played a prank on our Kuroki. I think she broke her arm!"

"_What?_"

He doesn't wait for an answer. He dashes off.

"Tomoko!" he shouts.

Ogino and Kiyota are supporting Tomoko down the corridor.

Against his better judgment, Tomoki pulls her into a hug.

"Are you okay? What happened?"

His stomach drops.

Tomoko is crying.

"We think she broke her wrist during the fall," says Kiyota shakily.

Tomoko is covered in white powder from head to toe, and the stuff gets on Tomoki's uniform. He doesn't care. He continues to hold her.

Her hair is wet.

"What happened?"

Tomoko doesn't answer. She looks like she wants to kill someone but is ten times more angry because she can't. She's still crying. They are the tears of frustration.

Tomoki swears he's going to kill that person for her.

Ogino sighs. "Let's just get your sister treated. We'll worry about that later."

"S-sister?" Kiyota splutters.

They ignore him and take Tomoko to the infirmary.

:::::

"It's your fault, you know."

They are crowded in the nurse's office. All of them. Kirito, Yuichi and Tatsuya had been called in by Ogino who was now seated at an interjecting angle from Tomoko, whose wrist the nurse was nursing. Soccer Kuroki is sprawled on an old spongy leather armchair looking ridiculously exhausted.

Kiyota is there in one unassuming corner, making himself as unidentifiable as possible.

He is part of the wall. He is part of the shadow. He is—

"Don't blame me for something I couldn't control," soccer Kuroki snaps.

He glares at Tomoko who is done crying, but she seems too taken by the pain to be as shy or self-conscious as Kiyota knows her to be.

It's an impossible sight. He doesn't want to miss out on any of it.

"Do you know how obnoxious that sounds?" says Tomoko.

"No. I don't know what you mean."

"If those girls weren't in love with you, they wouldn't have done this to me," says Tomoko.

"She has a point," mumbles Tatsuya who gets an elbow in the ribs.

"I'm not– that's not-"

"It was your idea to keep our relationship a secret," says Tomoko.

"Oh. Shut up," grumbles soccer Kuroki. "It's them who are delusional, coming up with weird shit-"

"Language," says Ogino.

"-how's that my fault? The world is rotten."

Tomoko looks away. "It is rotten. But that doesn't make it okay. You deliberately poured oil into the flame."

"I didn't! I just– jesus fuck, it spilled!"

"Enough!" Ogino launches from her seat and crosses her arms. "I'd like you to refrain from swearing, Kuroki."

"Soccer Kuroki?" says Kiyota.

"Soccer Kuroki," Ogino corrects. "The problem isn't whose fault it is. What matters is how we deal with it. Understand?"

Everybody grumbles.

Yuichi slowly raises his hand.

"Ah. I'm just wondering. Why did you call us here, sensei?" says Yuichi politely. "It wasn't us who-"

"We know it wasn't you guys. But you're Kuroki's friends, correct?" says Ogino. "Aren't you worried about him?"

"Of course we are," says Yuichi hastily. "It's just, what does it have to do with us? I mean, are we supposed to be helping with something, or…"

Ogino nods, turning to soccer Kuroki who shifts restlessly in his seat. "Don't you think it's time you tell them about you and Tomoko Kuroki?"

"If it's about them going out, we're already aware of it," Tatsuya cuts in.

Kirito adds, "Yeah. By this point, the whole school knows Kuroki-san is Tomoki's girlfriend."

"I'm not his girlfriend," Tomoko wails and she looks like she's going to cry again.

Kiyota's body twitches on its own accord, like his instinct is to comfort Tomoko, but his rational mind commands him to remain one with the wall.

"Oh, shut up Tomoko," growls Tomoki. "You might as well be by this point, considering how much control you got over my life."

"Control? I don't have control over anything! You're the one in control here. Since when do I ever have a choice over what happens to me or anyone? Everything is unpredictable. Everything is out of control," cries Tomoko.

Kiyota is shocked by how forceful Tomoko sounds. How can such a small person hold so much anger? And here he'd always thought Tomoko Kuroki was a plain jane who didn't really have anything going on up there despite being top of the class.

Soccer Kuroki shoots up from his seat. He stalks towards Tomoko and everyone steps out of his way on instinct, even Ogino. They watch in horror as Tomoko pushes herself further into her plastic chair like a cornered animal, wide-eyed, as Tomoki grips her head with the tips of his fingers.

Tomoko cries, her arms flailing.

Kiyota flinches imagining how much it's got to hurt to have blunt nails dig into your scalp.

"You idiot, you need to stop," says soccer Kuroki darkly. "Stop blaming other people. Stop lying to yourself. Shouldn't you be able to figure it out by now what I want from you? I thought you were smarter than this.

"Can't you just _try_ to understand how much I want it back? That part of my life? Maybe it's too complex for your _neet_ brain to understand, so I'm just going to tell you." For a second, his voice shakes, but now it's angry again. "We used to love each other to death, didn't we? I want that again. I haven't forgotten and I want my sister back. I don't know what the hell happened to you but I'm trying my best to understand. So, just deal with your stupid fears, would you? And if you can't, then at least make it easy for me to help you!"

Tomoko whines, clawing Tomoki's arm with her uninjured hand. Kiyota thinks she's crying again.

"I, I really hate you, little brother," says Tomoko.

"I hate you too," says Tomoki.


	5. This Place is a Shelter

This Place is a Shelter

He might want his childhood back, but that doesn't mean he will get it.

There are many things Tomoki will never understand. For instance, the way being part of the soccer team makes it so that a whole room is at his command. Second, he doesn't understand why people cannot see that he's not the showy type, that he didn't ask for his silence to be the contributing factor to his popularity.

More importantly, he doesn't understand time. How can something like seconds and nanoseconds put so much distance between him and the people he'd known his entire life? Like his family; his mother who he barely talks to nowadays, his sister who he is readjusting himself to. How can he close the distance that only grows? You can't shorten time the way you reduce distance, and this is how Tomoki knows that no matter how hard he tries, things will never be the same.

But he thinks, maybe, it can't be a lost cause. He's trying after all, and that means even if he fails, he's got to be ahead of those who hasn't even started.

That lunch break, after he left Tomoko with Ogino and Kiyota, the rest of his day went like this.

Tomoki entered his classroom with his friends following right behind. His classmates were already there, and they turned to stare at the noise he and his friends were making.

He bristled at the attention. Sure, he looked like he'd just gotten out of a hell hole. The white powder had transferred from Tomoko's uniform onto his. Getting rid of his blazer didn't exactly get rid of the soaked spots that the powder had latched onto.

"Are you happy now?" he said.

Tomoki stopped by Akira Okada's desk on the way to his own.

She stared up at him with that wide-eyed innocence that was as natural as the red of her lipgloss.

"I hope you and your friends rot in hell," he spat.

The class broke out into hushed whispers which he did his best to ignore.

Before him, Okada paled. She shifted in her seat, her eyes flicking around the room. On her cute face, he sees no remorse.

"Is every good looking girl as retarded as you? To harass a helpless person over something as childish as a crush? That's just dumb," he said darkly. "How would you feel if the person you love was ganged up on? Would you like it if I go around breaking the bones of your family members?"

He hit her desk with his fist.

The class gasped.

Akira jumped in her seat.

"I don't care that you like me. I don't like you. Tomoko Kuroki could've died, and it would have been your fault," said Tomoki. "Don't go pushing other people down the stairs, or tripping them into traps, when you clearly don't have the brains to fix things the moment they get out of hand."

He whirled around to his desk, took exactly two steps, stopped, spun on the spot.

"Also. Don't talk to me again. I don't care how popular you are," said Tomoki.

So.

He made Okada cry. It wasn't his intention to make her cry, but he didn't exactly regret it. He almost felt sorry for her. Almost. But he remembered the pain on his sister's face, recalled her frustration that turned into tears because it had no other way out. He remembered thinking _I know what this feels like,_ but he didn't, not really.

Like Tomoki read about the damn neuroses and he thinks he understands it? Whatever he imagines Tomoko is going through, her reality has got to be a lot worse. As long as he remembers that, there's no need to beat himself up over it.

As he replays the events of that day inside his head, Tomoki is in the shower. He is exhausted to the point that he considers skipping soccer practice tomorrow.

Emotionally drained, Tomoki lethargically turns off the shower and steps out into the cold bathroom.

A towel lands on his face. He catches it before it drops onto the tiles.

His sister is there, sitting on the counter, one arm still in the air; the source of the flying towel.

He sighs and proceeds to dry himself before wrapping the towel around his hips. He should be self-conscious, but he's too tired, and anyway, his sister is looking the other way.

"Now your ankle and wrist match," he finds himself saying.

"Shut up," Tomoko says under her breath. "It's only sprained."

She's staring at her bare feet, dangling above the counter. Her phone is sitting on her lap. Her hair is still damp and Tomoki thinks she must've showered just before he got home.

Tomoki trudges to the sink and reaches around her for his toothbrush.

"I saw this," she says. "Kiyota sent it to me."

"What?"

Tomoko shows him her phone. It's a video. Somebody's taken a video of him shouting like a moron in class.

Tomoki grimaces. From the angle of the camera, he knows it's Tatsuya. He better not send it to anybody else or Tomoki will murder him.

"Why did you do that?"

"Why do you think?" he grunts and squirts the toothpaste onto his toothbrush.

"You could have just acted nice. They'll like you more if you're nice," says Tomoko because she's an idiot.

"After what they did? Are you insane?" says Tomoki. The toothpaste misses the brush and lands into the sink.

Tomoko takes the tube and squeezes it for him. "_You're_ insane. She's in love with you. Who doesn't want to be loved?"

Tomoki stares at her. He thinks she's crazy.

"I don't need that sort of love," he tells her. "It's stupid."

He sticks the toothbrush in his mouth and brushes his teeth furiously. He stares at himself in the cabinet mirror, then back at Tomoko, who's half in the way of it.

She's just watching him, but he knows she isn't really here. She's inside her head. She's worrying over something that he cannot fathom, like always.

"You're an idiot," he says around his toothbrush.

Tomoko flicks her head as a residue of foam flies from his mouth.

"_You're_ the idiot," says Tomoko and grabs the end of his toothbrush.

Tomoki freezes, thinking she's going to shove it down his throat. But she pulls it out of his mouth.

"Spit, little brother," she says.

He spits into the sink.

Tomoko puts the toothbrush back in his mouth.

His arms remain limp by his side while Tomoko starts brushing his teeth for him. He has no idea what they are doing, but it makes him feel warm and it's not a bad feeling.

He watches the way his sister's eyebrows knit slightly as she concentrates. Her eyes are dark and piercing when she's fully present, and Tomoki doesn't know how he likes her better. He's never thought about it, her being here and what it means. He wishes for the time to stop because he knows this moment won't last.

Eventually, she pulls the toothbrush out of his mouth. "Done."

Tomoki turns on the faucet and rinses his mouth. His sister puts a hand on his head. He lets her as he straightens to wash his toothbrush.

Tomoko runs her fingers shyly through his wet hair, like she's experimenting.

"You're crazy," Tomoki tells her quietly.

"Why are you my family?" Tomoko voices out loud. Her hand stops behind his ear.

Tomoki thinks there is something wrong with him. With them. Both of them. He places a hand on her knee and leans in.

"Why are _you_ mine?" Tomoki says and relishes at how wrong that sounds.

It makes Tomoko smile. Of course his sister finds it funny.

He rolls his eyes at her.

"Thank you," she blurts out.

Tomoki stops. The air around them stops moving too, he thinks. He cannot breathe. His lungs won't work.

Her hand falls onto his bare shoulder.

"Thank you," his sister says again.

He doesn't know what she's thanking him for. For picking her over popularity. For trying to fix things. For scouring textbooks and the internet for answers. For having lunch with her. For trying to understand.

For caring enough to do all of the above.

"Any time," he says.

"I-" her voice cracks and she gives up on whatever she's about to say.

He feels a surge of emotion that constricts in his heart, her heart, Tomoki cannot tell which, but he feels it and it's real, realer than anything he'd felt in forever. It's the feeling of being truly awake.

"You're family. You're my sister. I only have one of you," Tomoki says.

Tomoko looks away. "You're—you're the best I have."

A stupid smile breaks across Tomoki's face.

"Good," Tomoki says.

He runs a hand around the back of Tomoko's neck, feels the goosebumps on her smooth skin and a small shudder racking down her body.

_I'm trying to be_, he thinks.

:::::

It's Friday. It's morning break. Tomoki is leaving class to go check up on his sister. He's anxious that something else might happen to her.

Yuichi and the others catch up with him on the stairs.

"Hey. Tomoki, we were just wondering," says Yuichi. "Can we come over to your house this weekend?"

Tomoki stops.

"Why?"

Kirito elbows Yuichi.

"Ah, well…" Yuichi fumbles turning to Tatsuya.

Tatsuya shrugs. "We owe you and your girl– er, sister an apology."

Tomoki raises his eyebrows. "Apology? For what?"

They don't answer.

Tomoki sighs and starts up the stairs again. "Ask her yourself. It's her house too."

They follow him into Tomoko's classroom. Nemoto and Kiyota are inside, hovering by her desk.

"Good morning!" says Nemoto to all of them.

Tomoki nods.

Nemoto smiles and flies out of the classroom. Only Kiyota remains. He gravitates to his younger brother's side and they have a silent exchange.

"My friends want to come over this weekend," Tomoki starts.

Tomoko is staring at the writings on her desk as if she's trying to imprint those vile words into her brain. But Tomoki knows she's not really reading, just avoiding eye contact.

"And?" she says.

"And, they want to know if they can come over."

Tomoko gets a pen out of her pencil case and uncaps it. He watches her, amused, as she begins to draw animal faces on her own desk.

"Since when do you ever ask me for permission?" she says.

Beside him, Yuichi fidgets.

Tomoki has a feeling his sister doesn't know that they are here. He has a feeling that if she does, she wouldn't be able to utter a single word, much less talk back to him.

"Since now. It's your house too," he adds.

"Okay. I'll be hiding in my room," Tomoko says. "If they're staying the whole day, you have to bring me lunch. I'm not going out."

Tomoki turns to his friends.

Tatsuya has a lopsided smile on his face, like he finds the whole thing amusing. Kirito looks confused. Yuichi doesn't seem to know what to do with himself.

Kiyota, on the other hand, looks troubled.

"Tomoko," Kiyota says reluctantly. "I just realised. This means it was you I was writing notes to last weekend?"

Tomoko's head snaps up in surprise. She sees them now, all five of them, standing there watching her.

The pen falls out of her hand, a ridiculous shade of pink dusts her cheeks. Her breath catches and she begins to panic.

"Calm down," says Tomoki immediately. "Just pretend they aren't here."

It doesn't help.

"A-ah, I…you…" she stammers.

Tomoki places a hand on her shoulder, racking his brain for something to say.

Yuichi steps up. "Kuroki-san, I never got to greet you properly yesterday. I—I'm Yuichi Aomatsu. Tomoki says you're really smart."

"I–I…"

Tomoko is hyperventilating and Tomoki thinks she might pass out.

"Just breathe normally, gods. They aren't here to judge you," he says. "You were perfectly fine in front of them yesterday."

"T-that was different."

"Should I break your other wrist? Will that help?" Tomoki says unhelpfully.

"Shut up."

"I have an idea," Tatsuya cuts in loudly. "Since we're all going to Kuroki's house this weekend. Why don't we have lunch together today? We'll get to know Kuroki-san better too."

Tomoki stares at his sister ambiguously. "If you say so. But Takanashi-kun will be here too right?"

Kiyota flails. "Oh. Er, right. Of course. I guess."

Strangely, Tomoko seems to relax a little after that.

"Right. Then see you two at lunch," says Tomoki, getting up from beside his sister. "You better not run away, _sis_. Or I'll hunt you down."

Surprisingly, lunch came and went by without much ordeal. Tomoki wonders at how lucky he is to have such supportive friends. He can tell that Yuichi is trying really hard to give his sister the conversational comfort he thinks she needs. And it works, to a certain extent. A very limited extent. Meaning it didn't help much at all, but Tomoki supposes it's the thought that counts.

From what he'd learnt from Kirito, Kiyota is the naively carefree sort who spends more time going out than studying. Apparently he puts a lot into his persona to try and look like he's actually trying in school. The glasses say it, even if they are fake. Kiyota is that annoying big brother who every single relative loves and flocks to at family gatherings, and Kirito is usually left brewing with envy.

On the downside, Tomoki thinks Kiyota is too passive for his sister. Tomoko will end up bullying Kiyota the moment she's comfortable enough to show her true nature. Kiyota would be the one stuck in this hypothetically bad relationship, struggling to cut ties with a manipulative creep.

But who knows. Things never happen the way Tomoki expects anyway, and he doesn't think the universe's messed up logic is going to fail him now.

:::::

Tomoki speaks his mind that evening. "Stop thinking games and animes can replace real life. You can't replace human interaction that way."

Tomoko doesn't answer and continues to eat her dinner.

Their mother is at the sink, cutting up fruits.

"Don't stay by yourself if you can't handle it. Don't take shortcuts," says Tomoki. "Don't ever bloody take shortcuts, I repeat. You've been trying on shortcuts all your life, and when have they ever worked?"

"I'm going to kill you," Tomoko brews. "I'm going to kill you in your sleep."

"I'm serious," says Tomoki calmly.

"I'm serious too."

They continue to eat in silence. Their mother puts the fruits in the fridge and heads to take care of the laundry.

After a while, Tomoko says, "What am I supposed to do for stupid human interaction? I have no friends. Games are all I have."

"You have me," he tells her.

"It's not the same."

"Of course it's not the same. This is real life, you idiot. Look around you. Care a little for what's going on. In the meantime, you have me. Just, just don't be annoying," he adds.

When Tomoki is about to go to bed a few hours later, his sister comes into the room and crosses her arms over her chest.

There's challenge in her eyes as she stands there with her back to the door.

"What?" he says.

"And if I want a boyfriend?" she says, like their conversation had never been interrupted.

Tomoki shrugs. "Dream big. Start small. Hurry up and go to sleep. We have people over tomorrow. Don't you want to look your best for Kiyota or something?"

Tomoko flushes and strides right up to strangle him. "Shut up you idiot."

He shoves her into his mattress. "Har. Har. Like I'd give away my only sister that easily."

That night, Tomoko ends up in his bed again.

:::::

He wakes to the sound of their mother knocking on the door the next morning.

Tomoko is snoring softly beside him. He untangles himself from her and the duvet and trudges sleepily to the door.

He opens it, finds their mum standing there with questions in her eyes.

"Is Tomoko in there?" She is smiling.

He steps aside for her to get a look herself.

Their mother's smile seems to widen, somehow, and she suddenly gives him a hug. Tomoki pats her awkwardly.

"Tomoko's been doing so much better don't you think?" she says.

"Er. Yeah, sure," Tomoki replies deafly.

He wants to go back to bed.

Their mother straightens again. "Your friends are here. Should I send them up?"

"Er. Okay," he yawns.

Tomoki trudges back into his room and collapses onto the bed again.

He is so _so_ tired.

Tomoki doesn't get to sleep like he wishes when he suddenly hears loud voices coming up the stairs. He shoots up from his bed and comes close to panicking when he realises who they are. His mother's words finally register in his brain.

"Tomoko! Tomoko, wake up!" he says, shaking his sister roughly.

His sister whines and pushes him away.

"_Wake up!_"

Tomoko kicks Tomoki off the mattress and sits up.

He shouts, landing on the floor with a thud.

"Why do you make so much noise?" she scolds, and promptly stamps her foot on his shoulder.

Tomoki sits there on the floor with his sister's foot on his chest. It must look impressive, he thinks, from the doorway.

Here, at ten in the morning, a scantily clad girl in her boyshorts and a tank top conquering her brother in his own bed.

"Nice," Tatsuya says, and his friends burst into fits of giggles.

Only Kiyota is mortified.

:::::

"I told you my sister isn't a nice person," Tomoki says.

Tomoko is in the shower, and the rest are in his room after that display of dominance.

"You never told us anything," Kirito accuses him.

"Well, I'm telling you now," he says. "She isn't how you think she is. Once she gets used to you, she's an entirely different person."

"Yeah. I've figured out that much," Tatsuya says thoughtfully. "I'm always the smart one after all."

"Can you stop making this about you?" Kirito quips irritably. "Look. My brother is–"

"I'm right here!" Kiyota hisses threateningly.

"Fine. Never mind. I won't tell them," Kirito says, exasperated.

"Tell us what?" Yuichi asks.

"Nothing," says Kiyota.

"Oh I know," Tatsuya says. He grins viciously. "You fancy Tomoki's sister don't you? You're probably into the mysterious girl type. The one that's hard to get to know. It's written all over your face you're interested."

Tomoki sits up in his desk chair.

Kirito begins to clap. Kiyota kicks him.

"That's not true," Kiyota objects. "I just thought– whatever. Why do I have to explain myself anyway? You're all kids."

"Excuse you," says Kirito.

"Of course, we kids have no idea what you got going on up there in your entirely useless brain," says Tatsuya. "You cancelled karaoke with your friends today so you can be here with us _kids_. Don't tell me that doesn't say something?"

Kiyota glares at Kirito. "You told _him_?"

"He's good at reading people!" Kirito says.

"You like my sister?" Tomoki says.

Kiyota flushes. "That's not it. I–"

"So wait, you really do like Kuroki-san?" Kirito says, wide-eyed. "What happened to Nemoto? I thought you–"

"Just shut up, you idiot!" Kiyota bristles.

Tatsuya says brutally, "I think Nemoto is as hollow as the inside of Okada's skull. At least, Tomoki's sister has personality, _and_ she isn't bad looking once you actually look at her."

"Ooh! Remember last weekend?" Kirito says. "She was that girl with pretty legs!"

Tomoki shifts uncomfortably in his chair. This is heading into the direction he doesn't want.

Yuichi chuckles. "Wait. Didn't Takanashi-kun think she was a ghost or something?"

In the other room, the door opens and closes. Tomoko's done showering and she is probably going to hide in her room now that his friends are here.

Tomoki gets up.

"Where are you going?"

"To get Tomoko out of her room," he says stoically. "Otherwise she's going to go back to her stupid cartoons."

"No. Wait." Tatsuya grabs him by the end of his shirt.

"What?"

"Make Kiyota go."

* * *

_Note: It's going to be summer soon in this story. Please look forward to it. Summer means cameos (do you guys remember Kosaka that one summer with Kii-chan? Laughs)._

_Random DISCLAIMER: The relations to canon characters are entirely made up. Also, I made up Kiyota's surname and Okada's mean little sister. You might notice Yuichi's surname is Aomatsu, like that middle school boy in the OVA. My notes say they are related, but I can't remember how. Laughs. I'll get my memories back._

_Concerning the length of the story: It'll only be around 11 chapters._


	6. Denial Runs in the Family

Denial Runs in the Family

It takes a while for Tomoki to get it. And when he does, he is worried. It's been half an hour; Kiyota still hasn't returned from his sister's room. Tomoki tries not to get anxious.

But when Tatsuya goes, "You don't think they are…" Tomoki loses it.

He stalks to the door.

Yuichi stops him. "Tomoki. Let me do it."

His face must have shown some murderous intent or something, that Yuichi would initiate anything in his place.

Kirito pulls him back into the room and Tatsuya pats him on the shoulder. They are coddling him. It's ridiculous. So they wait for Yuichi to return.

Only Yuichi doesn't.

Something is wrong. He wonders if Tomoko's managed to murder them and is now hiding their bodies. Tatsuya's mind is obviously on a different track. "You don't think they are…" he says again.

"I'll go!" Kirito jumps up and anxiously leaves the room.

After five minutes, and then some, Tomoki doesn't have the patience to deal with this any longer. He stalks out of the room with the pervert Tatsuya eager on his toes. He is about to barge into his sister's room when he hears it.

A groan, a whimper and Yuichi's voice moaning shamelessly, "Oh my god!"

Tomoki can feel his blood boil as he bursts into the dimly lit room.

"What the hell are you guys doing?"

They are all sitting on the floor with their backs turned to the door. Kiyota is laughing.

"That's just wrong!" Kirito wails. "Oh, Tomoki, Tatsuya. This anime is sick!"

They are watching an anime. A man is getting eaten by a wide-mouth giant. A scream rips through the speakers.

"Briliant. I've been meaning to watch this since forever," Tatsuya says with delight and plops down beside Kirito.

"Ga— no!" Yuichi screams. "I was rooting for that kid."

Kiyota laughs again.

The giant picks up a blond boy and drops it into its mouth. There is a brown haired bloke with his leg cut off lying on the rooftop. What the hell.

Tomoko, sitting among Tomoki's friends, looks over her shoulder. She stands up and pads over to him, pulls him out of the doorway and closes the door.

Tomoki doesn't say anything, just stare at her in the dark with the light from the television flickering at her profile. Her hair is still damp from the shower, and the towel around her bare shoulders are slipping off. She's wearing her shorts and a sleeveless tee.

"You're wearing way too little clothes," Tomoki says, his own voice foreign in his ears. "My friends are-"

"More interested in people getting eaten than how your sister looks."

Tomoki swallows. "Maybe."

He feels an ache in his chest that he can't quite place. This feeling has no place in his life. But then his sister pushes him into the wall and his heart palpitates like crazy. He's crazy, he thinks.

Tomoko hugs him, buries her nose in the crook of his neck and breathes him in. His breath hitches with that simple action. His hands are shaking when he raises his arms to hold her.

"Thank you," Tomoko says, "for your efforts, little brother."

"No problem."

And Tomoki believes there is something wrong with him.

:::::

Tomoki reads about it. Selective amnesia. The brain filters the mind to forget a specific memory, a certain revelation.

His action is triggered by something Tomoko said during dinner that evening.

"Memory says You have done this, the Mind says I cannot have done this. And with time, Memory relinquishes."

"Like how I've forgotten you're smarter than you look?" Tomoki said.

"Har har," she said. "You've forgotten a lot of awesome things about me."

"Can't help it when they are smeared up by your neet-ness, sis."

Now, as he thinks about it. It isn't much of what he has forgetten about his sister, but what he chose to forget about himself.

:::::

Summer looms closer and with summer comes the subtle changes to his sister.

Still, Tomoko has the habit of landing herself in situation from which she cannot escape. This is one of them.

Apparently, Hina Nemoto decides to invite Tomoko to lunch one day. His sister is stuck in the situation where she wants to say no and yes at the same time.

"Kuroki-kun! You come too. Our Tomoko is having lunch with us today," says Nemoto happily just as Tomoki enters his sister's classroom.

Tomoko throws him a helpless look.

He sees the side-eye Ayaka Okada gives his sister. He doesn't miss that smirk either. Either the older Okada is planning something or she is enjoying his sister's misery.

And then Okada's eyes meet Tomoki's and the look completely vanished. It is replaced by something sincere, or at least he thinks it is. "I heard about what my sister did to your girl. So let me apologise to both of you. Have lunch with us," says Okada.

Tomoki side-steps them. "That happened two weeks ago and you're apologising now?"

Nemoto steps in hastily. "Ah, look. Okada's been absent from school. She's only been discharged from the hospital on Sunday—"

"I'm apologising in my sister's place. I don't expect you to accept it. After all it's not like I had anything to do with it," Okada says. "I'm just as ashamed of Akira's behaviour as much as you both probably hate her for it. To think that she would hurt–"

"I-it's fine…I, I don't, I…" Tomoko fumbles, turning a surprising shade of red. "Please don't t-talk about it anymore."

She half hides behind Tomoki. Her outburst is unexpected and Tomoki thinks there is something wrong.

"If you're really sorry, maybe you can invite Tomoko some other day. I forgot to tell Tomoko that I promised my friends she'd be having lunch with them today. Sorry," says Tomoki, quickly taking Tomoko by the hand.

They enter Tomoki's classroom and the students stare at them. Tomoko's hands are shaking but when he turns to look at her, Tomoki thinks she is holding herself pretty well.

"Oh. Hey! Tomoko-chan," says Tatsuya, because despite his smartass attitude, he is friendly.

Ever since that weekend at the Kuroki household, his friends have been getting along with his sister quite well. Quite well as in Tomoko manages to say a few words without looking like she's going to wet herself. Sometimes she even smiles at them. But that is as good it's going to get.

Yuichi, who usually observes every situation from the sideline, dashes to Tomoko's side with this fond smile that Tomoki cannot place. Out of all his friends, he thinks Yuichi genuinely enjoys Tomoko's company. He doesn't know why.

The class stares at them and breaks out into hushed whispers when Yuichi takes Tomoko's other hand and says, "Come have lunch with us, Tomoko-chan."

And then Tomoko actually smiles, face lighting up like the sun. She looks happy, happier than he's seen her all week.

Tomoki lets go of Tomoko's hand and shoves his own in his pockets, watches her flutters away with Yuichi. It's an odd sight, he thinks, and wonders how he himself looks holding his sister's hand.

"So with summer break coming up in a few weeks, we were thinking of going camping," Tatsuya says halfway through lunch. "What do you think Tomoko-chan?"

"Ah. I…" She turns to Tomoki.

"He's asking if you want to come with us," Tomoki says bluntly.

"M-maybe…but. I, ah."

"She doesn't want to be the only girl," Tomoki says to the others.

Tomoko flushes.

"Oh. Well then. Why don't you invite your friends?" says Tatsuya, "The more the merrier!"

"You just want to hang out with lots of girls!" Kirito complains.

"Can you blame me?" Tatsuya says. "I'm so sick of your face."

Kirito shoves him. Tatsuya kicks back.

The girls in the classroom giggle. Tomoki's eyes land on Akira Okada who is studying their lunch group with her girlfriends. She doesn't look happy. Not that Tomoki cares.

Yuichi, who is sitting by his sister's other side, leans over and says quietly, "So, Tomoko. Do you wanna go?"

They look like they are conspiring or flirting and it's annoying Tomoki.

"Ah. Maybe," says Tomoko just as quietly. "What will you be doing on a camping trip?"

"Swim? I heard there's this really nice spring near the camping site. And the woods are really good for bug catching."

Tomoko perks up. "Bug catching?"

Yuichi raises his hands in defence. "But girls don't like doing that right? That's alright. There'll be other things like campfires and-"

"No no. I like bug catching."

"You do?" Yuichi's big eyes widens even more.

"I used to do that when I was little. With Tomoki."

"Oh, that's brilliant. We can go bug catching together."

Kirito perks up. "Did you guys say bug catching?"

"I'm the bug catching expert!" Tatsuya cuts in.

Tomoki sighs.

"We should totally have a competition," says Kirito. "And then we can-"

"Tomoko-chan. Do you mind inviting your girlfriends? If they don't like bug catching they can be judges," says Tatsuya.

"You just want to show off," says Kirito.

"So what?"

And by the end of lunch, Tomoko ends up agreeing on asking a few of her friends though she looks worried.

:::::

"I need to go to the library," Tomoko says, tugging at Tomoki's hand.

It's after school and there is no soccer practice today. The season is over after all, with summer break coming and everything.

Tomoko slips into the library and he notices how she avoids the reception desk. Instead, she camps by the row of bookshelves that gives her unimpeded view of the librarian. Her grip on her schoolbag straps is so tight that her knuckles turn white.

He stands right behind her, not sure what humiliating antic she is planning this time.

"What are you doing?"

She gives him her schoolbag to carry. He takes it and frowns at her silence.

He grabs her.

"Tomoko."

Her voice is shaking. "Do you remember Komiyama? She was my middle school classmate."

"So what?"

"So she's right there," says Tomoko, pointing to the librarian. "I'm going to ask her if she has any plans for summer break."

"You're gonna invite her along to the trip? You barely know her."

Tomoko stares desperately back at him. "But she's the closest thing I have to a friend in this school."

And Tomoki thinks that's just plain pathetic.

"You're hopeless."

His sister scowls and stomps his foot.

"Oh, oh. I see." He shoulders their bags and steps right up to her, taunting. "You wanna play?" He mock-pushes her into the shelf and pretends to crack his knuckles.

But because his sister is an idiot she manages to hit her head on the shelf anyway. "Ouch, that hurt."

Trying to be careful around her is pointless.

At that moment, Tomoki swears he sees a figure slips past them in his peripheral vision. He whirls around just in time to see the hem of a skirt disappear among the other shelves.

He sobers.

"Whatever. Let's go talk to this coma-girl," Tomoki says, pulling his sister out of hiding.

The first thing Tomoko does is smirk like a predator when they approach the reception desk.

"H-hey, librarian."

The crack in her voice gives her away. So she isn't as confident as she looks, Tomoki concludes.

"Kuroki? What d'you-" The librarian girl freezes when her eyes land on Tomoki. "A-ah. K-Kuroki-kun."

"What are you doing on summer break?" Tomoko says. "Komiyama, we're going on a camping trip. Wanna come?"

"I heard you two are dating," Komiyama blurts out and then flushes. "I–I mean, that's not true, right? You guys are, are related after all. It can't be-"

"And what if we are? What are you gonna do about it?" Tomoko snickers evilly.

Komiyama turns red. She looks angry.

"So do you want to come?" Tomoki cuts in. "You're one of the few people who isn't an idiot. You should come."

"Yeah, you should come," his sister says. "Tomoki will be there. And Yuichi and Kirito from the soccer team!"

"Fine. I'll go!" says Komiyama. "But–but are we going to be the only girls? Is Yuu-chan coming too?"

"I'll try inviting her too." Tomoko narrows her eyes. "But do you really think that's a good idea?"

Some sort of silent understanding passes between them and Komiya laughs hastily. "Ah. You're right. That pretty girl would want to spend time with her boyfriend, right?"

"Mmhm."

:::::

"What was that?"

"Komiyama is afraid that Yuu-chan will steal all the attention because Yuu-chan is cuter."

"But wasn't it you who put that thought into her head?"

"No. She'll end up thinking like that tonight anyway, then she'll regret ever asking me about Yuu-chan."

"You're saying you did her a favour by having her worry early?"

"Something like that."

:::::

Tomoki will never understand. He tells Yuichi about it, but Yuichi is too supportive to be analyse the situation objectively.

"Your sister is clever."

Tomoki says irritatedly, "Do you like my sister or something?"

"Not anymore than you do," says Yuichi.

The way he looks at Tomoki unsettles him. Yuichi is the sort of person who catches on fast, but there is no way he knows, does he?

This all comes down to how much Yuichi thinks Tomoki likes his sister and how he likes her. It isn't something Tomoki is thrilled to find out.

"Kirito is trying to get Kiyota to come too."

Tomoki swallows. "Yeah. Great."

:::::

For the next two weeks, the only thing his friends can talk about is the trip.

"I'm so glad your sister managed to invite two of her friends! And one of them is from that school where the girls are really pretty," says Tatsuya one afternoon.

"Too bad Kiyota is going with his friends though," Yuichi says.

Kirito and Tomoko are racing each other in Mario Kart, they aren't listening. Kirito is screaming profanities as Tomoko cackles away because she is winning by miles.

"No worries, dude. I was planning on telling you," Tatsuya says, "My cousin is from this other school. His friends got into some sort of road accident so he doesn't have anyone to hang out with. So I invited him along-"

"You invited a stranger? Are you insane?" Tomoki bristles.

Tatsuya raises his hands. "Hey, dude. He's not bad. He's like, an incarnation of Saint Sebastian. Or whichever saint is nicer."

Kirito wails because he officially loses the race. He throws a cushion in Tatsuya's face. "Are you trying to replace my brother with your cousin?"

"So what if I am?" Tatsuya squawks.

Yuichi and Tomoko get up from the floor at the same time and head toward the door. They seem so coordinated that Tomoki is suspicious that it's planned. He doesn't say anything and watches them leave.

"Tomoko isn't going to like your cousin just because Kiyota isn't there!"

"Who knows? And it's not like I'm trying to matchmake, you idiot. I'm just trying to be a nice cousin-"

"Bollocks! I can see through you, you transparent bastard."

Tomoki can't stand it anymore, the curiosity is becoming too much, so sneaks out of the room. The first room he checks is his sister's but it's empty which he is relieved to find. Their mother is downstairs, bringing in the groceries and Yuichi is helping. Tomoko is in the kitchen pouring herself a glass of water.

Turns out there's nothing to worry about. But that doesn't really stop Tomoki from worrying.

Then comes the last week of school.

On Monday, Tomoki finds his sister sitting with Kiyota at the deserted area between the two buildings of the school. He stands there for a few minutes but all they do is read their books while sharing earphones. He leaves them there.

On Tuesday, Tomoko has her lunch with Hina Nemoto and Akira Okada. And Kiyota is there, and everything seems fine. At home, Tomoko sneaks into Tomoki's room just as he's about to go to bed. There's a smile on her face when she falls asleep in his arms that night.

On Wednesday, Tomoki finds a love letter in his locker. It's from somebody named Kotomi; he throws it away. He has lunch with his sister and his friends that day but his mind is somewhere else. He finds another letter in his locker after school, it's a plain note that says I'm sorry. He pockets it, turns around and Akira Okada is staring at him.

"Shouldn't you be apologising to her?" he says and leaves her there.

On Thursday, there is nothing new under the sun. Yuichi, Kirito and Tatsuya divide the things they will have to buy for the trip among themselves and go off to purchase them after school.

Tomoki takes Tomoko out for ice cream because the day is too warm, and with their uniforms plastered to their bodies and the heat melting their treats, Tomoki hold his sister's ice cream so she can tug her hair away from the mess. His fingers are sticky by the time Tomoko takes it back.

On Friday, Yuichi and Kirito come to sleepover because the camping trip is tomorrow and they are leaving early. Tatsuya will be arriving in the morning at the Kuroki household because he's got to wait for his cousin to pack. Tomoko's best friend Yuu will be here tomorrow morning as well.

Turns out Komiyama is Kotomi, the one who sent him that love letter, and she's a klutz.

They are brushing their teeth, while Kotomi is owning Kirito in Mario Kart in Tomoki's room.

Tomoko sighs and says, "She's just nervous. Usually she's really cool."

Is she actually defending Kotomi? Tomoki can feel himself frowning. Suddenly, he thinks that maybe Tomoko has a redeeming quality to her, after all.

"I thought you didn't like her," says Tomoki.

"I hate her," she says with indignation. "We went to the beach last summer and all the boys there like her."

"You hate her because of that?"

"No. I hate her because she rubs it in my face that I'll never be as good as her." Tomoko leans over the sink and washes her mouth. "I hope somebody shoves her under the bus."

Tomoki flinches. He realises there is no redeeming quality to his sister, after all.

Quickly changing the subject, Tomoki says, "Mum says you're doing better."

Tomoko turns to him, emerald eyes wide with false innocence. "She's been treating me nicer too."

"Will you be okay tomorrow? Tatsuya is bringing along his cousin."

Tomoko looks at her feet and doesn't answer for a while.

Tomoki gurgles and spits into the sink, washes his face and turns off the faucet.

His sister sneaks her arms around his waist and buries her face into his back. "I love you."

"Yeah. Me too," he croaks. And it probably doesn't matter if his sister is a jerk. She is still his responsibility.

Instead of sleeping, that night they all watch the remaining episodes of Attack on Titan in Tomoko's room. The five of them are sprawled on the floor on the makeshift mattresses and duvets. Yuichi is huddled in one corner with Tomoko and Tomoki's suspicion rises again. He forces himself to look away.

But he is beside himself when he wakes up at around three in the morning and sees how close Tomoko and Yuichi are. They are curled around each other in their sleep.

Tomoki stalks over, wakes his sister up and shoves her onto her bed. Tomoko smiles sleepily and tugs him into bed with her.

He wakes up later to the sound of Tatsuya guffawing at them, and a handsome guy is standing by the doorway blushing. Tatsuya has his phone out and is taking pictures of all of them. Kirito and Yuichi are screaming at Tatsuya to delete their pictures. Kotomi has gone to shower before Tatsuya's arrival. Lucky her.

"Oh my god," Tomoko whimpers and hides under her blanket.

"What is it?" Tomoki says, nudging her with his foot.

When that doesn't work, he yanks the blanket away. His sister's breath hitches and she latches onto him. Tomoki thinks she's crying.

"Oh yeah, guys. This is my cousin. Kosaka Fukushima!" Tatsuya pipes up. "He's a third year student at the other school in this- hey, Tomoko-chan. What are you doing? Do you want to say hi to Kosaka?"

"N-no…"

"See? I told you. Tomoko isn't falling for your cousin," says Kirito.

"Shut up, you!"

"What's wrong, Tomoko-chan?" Yuichi says gently.

Tomoki untangles his sister from him. "Guys. Do you mind leaving for a bit? I need to talk to Tomoko."

Tatsuya wolf whistles and ushers them all out.

"Are they a thing?" Kosaka says to Tatsuya.

"You know it," Tatsuya says.

The others laugh.

The moment the door closes behind them, Tomoki says, "What is it."

"Kosaka. He- I…" Tomoko looks up and her face is red with shame.

"You met him before?" Then he immediately groans. "You did something you shouldn't have, didn't you?"

"It was because of Kii-chan! S-she, I was-"

"No. Let me guess." He sighs tiredly. "You were trying too hard and ended up humiliating yourself in front of Tatsuya's cousin?"

Tomoko cringes.

He rubs his temple. She's an idiot, he wants to tell her but doesn't.

"When was this?" he asks.

"Last summer."


	7. Anger is Not a Virtue

Anger is Not a Virtue

By the time Tomoki emerges with his sister, all his friends are done getting ready. His head aches; he still hasn't figured out how to deal with Kosaka.

"Give us five minutes. We'll shower real quick," Tomoki says, tugging his sister along.

His sister latches onto him, pushing her face into his back, trying to hide from Kosaka, most likely. Tomoki stifles a sigh, drags her across the corridor and shoves her and himself into the bathroom before slamming the door shut.

Kotomi seethes with jealousy.

To her, it doesn't help when the pretty face Kosaka splutters and Tatsuya cackles. Yuichi herds everyone downstairs, and she doesn't miss the shrieks and yelling from the bathroom that only makes her tremble with rage.

"Ah, they're quite intimate, aren't they?" Kosaka mumbles, scratching his head shyly.

Tatsuya snorts and says, "Let's just say they know each other inside out!"

Yuichi trips on the last step and Kirito squawks, shoving Tatsuya into a wall.

"Stop messing with him! Isn't he your cousin?" Kirito says.

Tatsuya shoves him right back with a string of swear words only halted when they enter the kitchen to find the table laden with breakfast and Kuroki's mother humming by the sink.

It's exactly five minutes later that Tomoki bursts out of the bathroom and hurries downstairs. His hair is still wet from the shower and his face is flushed with the heat.

"Yuichi? I need you! Come with me," Tomoki says, grabs Yuichi and drags him upstairs.

There is a door slam, then silence.

Tatsuya snorts and begins to bootlick Kuroki's mother about how good her cooking is when the doorbell rings.

"It's probably Yuu-chan," Kotomi says, standing up.

"No! I'll get the door," Tatsuya says, looking more excited than he should be.

When Tatsuya disappears, Kirito tells Kosaka, "How are you his cousin? You're so polite, Kosaka-kun."

Kosaka laughs hastily, but the moment is interrupted by Yuu's cheerful greeting.

"Mokocchi! Oh, you're not Mokocchi."

"Please come in. You must be Tomoko's Yuu-chan, right? Call me Tatsuya," Tatsuya says loudly. "Let me help you with your luggage!"

"Oh, thank you," Yuu says.

After a bit of shuffling, they appear by the kitchen and even Kotomi has to hold her breath. Yuu-chan is beautiful, in her yellow sundress and bright blonde hair, she looks like a star, shining so bright Kotomi's eyes hurt.

Yuu-chan flings herself at Kotomi, and they almost topple off the chair.

"Tomicchi! I've missed you so much."

"Ah, me too. It's so nice to see you again," Kotomi says hastily. "You look very pretty, Yuu-chan."

Yuu-chan giggles and calls Kotomi pretty too.

The moment passes by like this, with the boys drooling at the blonde and Kotomi trying not to wonder what's going on upstairs.

:::::

Tomoki elects Yuichi's help because his own mind does not work by way of intuition; it's difficult for him to not just tell his sister to _just get over it!_ He doesn't understand subtexts neither is he able to grasp concepts on his own.

Yuichi is different.

"I don't think it'll be a problem. Kosaka seems like a nice bloke," Yuichi is saying under his breath. "Maybe he doesn't even remember." He pauses, looks over his shoulder to make sure the door to Tomoki's room is still closed. "It's alright, isn't it? We'll just have to convince your sister that things aren't as bad as she thinks—"

Tomoki snorts. _Impossible._

"Or," Yuichi adds gently, "We'll convince Kosaka instead— but since we don't even know what actually happened how are we supposed to know what to do?."

Tomoki shrugs and looks away. When is helping his sister ever easy?

Yuichi pats him on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, Tomoki. We'll figure something out."

:::::

Summer is the sweltering heat and the damp fabric of their shirts as they make for the nearest bus stop. Summer is Kirito and Tatsuya's bickering, the parasitic way Yuu Naruse latches onto Tomoko.

"Mokocchi, your dress is cute. Let me do your hair on the bus."

Summer is the broken bus air-conditioning, the inquisitive look in Kosaka's eyes, the civil exchange between Komiyama and Yuichi. Summer is the reflection of Tomoko on the glass, flickering amidst the skyscrapers outside of the bus window.

"You're sitting next to me, Mokocchi!"

"Sorry, she'll be sitting with me."

Summer is the silence interlacing itself between Tomoko and Tomoki's hands as he drags her into a train compartment. Summer is the scratching of heads, the polite smiles between new acquaintances, the trading of careful small talks as to not scrape on each other's pride.

"When did they get so close, Aomatsu-kun? They don't usually get along," Yuu-chan asks.

"Ah, Tomoko is shy around Kosaka. So, Tomoki is just helping her out," Yuichi says.

"I see."

Summer is Tomoko's head falling onto Tomoki's shoulder as he stares out at the flashing scenery outside the train. Summer is Tatsuya fooling his cousin, is Yuu Naruse refuting nothing, is the unsettling fact that Tomoki considers his own sister a choice at all.

An hour into the train ride, Tomoki disentangles himself from his sister to stretch his legs. The others are either sleeping or playing Snap to pass the time. It isn't until Tomoki's back is turned that Kosaka looks up, big curious eyes making sure he is gone.

Kosaka's attention immediately falls on Tomoko's hunched form on the seat.

"Don't think I haven't noticed." Tatsuya elbows his cousin.

"It's just…"

"Just what, Kosaka-senpai?" Yuichi says, leaning over Tatsuya.

Kosaka gives them an innocent look, but his prying curiosity doesn't go unnoticed by Yuichi.

"Have they been together long?" Kosaka asks.

Yuichi considers this and says carefully as to not outright lie, "I don't know what you mean. Tomoko-chan is a shy girl. Kuroki-kun is the only person who knows her best. I know he doesn't look like he loves her, but he does. Please try not to get involved."

Tatsuya uncaps his water bottle and drinks from it.

Kirito busies himself with his phone.

Kosaka nods, seems to lose himself in his own thoughts.

"If you'll excuse me. I need to stretch my legs."

When Kosaka leaves them, Yuichi slumps into his seat and Kirito shakes his head. Tatsuya only snickers. The tension eases out of their bodies.

"I really don't know how long we can keep this up," Yuichi says.

Kirito frowns. "Yeah, what _are_ we doing? I mean if Tomoko-chan has a problem with Kosaka-senpai, shouldn't she be the one to deal with it?"

"What _can_ she do?" Tatsuya snickers. "She's too freaking neurotic to even talk to us, and we've known her for, what, three months? Anyway, have you noticed that sour look on Tomoki's face every time we talk about his sister? It's hilarious."

There was silence.

"Wonder what happened last summer that got Tomoko so upset," Yuichi mutters.

"Whatever it was, she should be the one to deal with it," Kirito says. "Tomoki can't protect her forever."

Tatsuya hums in agreement.

Meanwhile, Tomoko has woken up. She creeps onto the seat beside her sleeping friends and begins to draw a moustache on Komiyama's face with a permanent marker.

:::::

Life is sort of a regression, Tomoki thinks.

The view outside the window is rushing by and Tomoki feels like he's walking back in time, speeding on the wings of adolescence to pinpoint the quickest way out. The younger face of his sister flashes before his eyes, smiling bright, crinkling emerald eyes, her small hand tugging him back to childhood invincibility.

"Kuroki-kun."

Tomoki whirls around to find Kosaka standing there in between compartments, wide-eyed sincerity. Tomoki mentally curses.

"Fukushima-kun," Tomoki says.

Kosaka breaks into a smile. "Please call me Kosaka. I'm only two years older than you, so I don't really mind."

"Alright, Kosaka. Glad you could join us on the trip," Tomoki says, though he isn't.

"Oh. I'm glad Tatsuya invited me. Or I would've spent my entire holiday tutoring my juniors just like last summer."

"Last summer?"

Kosaka scratches his head. "Yes. It was quite boring. Except for an incident at the library… Ah, I've met your girlfriend before, did you know? It still really bothered me what happened." He scratches his chin in a sort of embarrassed way. "I was surprised to discover that Tomoko's boyfriend is my cousin's best mate."

"She is my…" Tomoki bites his lip, shoves his hands into his pockets to hide his clenched fists. He doesn't know where this is going, and he doesn't like it. In a louder voice he grouched, "What actually happened last summer?"

Kosaka still has that polite smile fixed on his handsome face. It's irritating. Everything about him annoys Tomoki. Who is Kosaka trying to fool by playing the nice guy?

"Last summer, a little girl mistook me for Tomoko's boyfriend—"

"_What?_" Tomoki snaps. This isn't at all what he is expecting.

Kosaka's expression darkens as he continues. "She told me I wasn't treating Tomoko right, that I was taking advantage of her. Then, Tomoko showed up, apologising for the misunderstanding. I never saw her again."

"So what's your point?" Tomoki says agitatedly.

"My point is that you are the boyfriend the little girl was talking about, right? The one who's been taking advantage of Tomoko?"

Tomoki stalks forward. "What the _hell_ are you talking about? Tomoko never had a boyfriend and it certainly wasn't—"

A scream rips through the air.

A second later, something collides into Tomoki. He staggers and falls into an empty seat. His sister, all elbows and bones, tries to scramble onto his lap as he struggles to get up.

"Stop it! What the hell—"

"I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU, TOMOKO!" Komiyama storms into the compartment, fuming.

"Kotomicchi! I'm sure we can wash it off." Yuu-chan tries to pull Komiyama back by the arms.

Tomoki slumps into the seat, wills the ground to swallow him whole, as his sister curls herself on his lap, throwing a pathetic look at him and then at Komiyama.

"It wasn't me," his sister says, albeit holding the permanent marker close to her chest.

Tomoki looks at Komiyama and his lips twitch. He can't help it. He's got to say it.

"Nice moustache," he says.

Komiyama turns bright red and stalks away with Yuu-chan hurrying after. A second later, Yuichi and Kirito poke their heads in, bewildered at the uproar.

"Get off," Tomoki says, pushing his sister away.

Tatsuya pops out from behind Kirito, with a phone in front of him. He grins. "Nice, Tomoki."

"Don't you dare!"

Tatsuya snaps a picture.

Kosaka is standing there at the compartment corner, watching them with an unreadable expression. It's a knee-jerk reaction when Tomoki worms his arms possessively around his sister and pulls her close. He glares at Kosaka until the senpai returns to his compartment.

"Kosaka told me what happened," Tomoki says, shoving Tomoko into the neighbour seat. "You're such an idiot."

Tomoko immediately shrinks into her seat and stares down at her lap, not daring to meet his eyes. She is shaking. She is ashamed, but he doesn't understand why.

"If…if Kii-chan didn't—"

"Don't blame her when you know it's your fault," he snaps.

"You're right," his sister whispers. She fists the hem of her dress and Tomoki thinks it's such a pathetic sight. "It's my fault. I'm sorry."

"Damn right you should be," Tomoki says. "Now Kosaka thinks I'm a freaking asshole of a boyfriend."

His sister looks up, shock and confusion written all over her face. "What?"

He opens his mouth and closes it.

Looking at her now, Tomoki realises they can never understand each other. He's been told one thing, she's thinking another. This is why they can't get along. Ever. He gets up and leaves her there.

He has no idea what to do.

:::::

For the rest of the train ride, Tomoki goes to sit beside the sleeping form of Kirito.

Tomoko somehow manages without him. She gravitates into Yuichi's sphere as the two go off somewhere on their own. Tomoki does not care, honestly, as long as she doesn't come back a crying mess.

Only when the train comes to a halt, does Yuichi and Tomoko reappear. They stick close together. Yuichi helps Tomoko with her duffle bag and they set out of the station with Kirito and Yuu Naruse. The camping site is fifteen minutes from the station on foot, and all Tomoki can say about this place is that it is lush. Lush green bushes and brown pathways, a victorious gleaming sky and fresh clean air. He's never been camping before, and doesn't know how well he can hold out five days sleeping inside a tent.

They will be sleeping inside tents, right?

Ahead of him, Yuichi and Tomoko are holding hands. Tomoki squints at them. They seem to be gaining speed, as if trying to catch up with Tatsuya and Kosaka.

"Hey, Tomoki-kun."

"What?" he snaps.

Komiyama blinks, startled at his lashing out.

"Sorry. You surprised me," he quickly says.

"Oh," Komiyama says, and she smiles. "So you like my moustache?"

A laugh escapes Tomoki before he can stop himself.

Tomoki has a moment to realise that Komiyama is a charming person. He wouldn't consider her cute the way he considers Akira Okada cute, but Komiyama has something special about her that makes her captivating.

She's the sort of person that the closer you get to know the more special she becomes.

The problem is, Komiyama probably has that effect on every guy that crosses her path.

Tomoki tears his gaze away.

"I'm really glad you invited me, Tomoki-kun," Komiyama says.

"Why?"

"I was thinking of signing up for a summer job at the public library. It'll be absolutely boring," she says.

"I see," he says, and all the while, he curses himself for sucking so much at small talk. "Uh, I got your letter."

Komiyama flushes bright red. "A-ah, don't worry about it. I actually have no idea why I did that. It was silly of me. Your memory of me couldn't have been that great."

Tomoki doesn't say anything for a while. "There's something I don't understand. You said you've had a crush on me since middle school. Is that right?"

Komiyama stares at her feet, says, "R-right."

"Why? I wasn't in any clubs in middle school."

"What do you mean?"

"Wouldn't it make more sense if you started liking me in high school? That's when people started liking me. Because I joined the soccer team-"

"You think I like you because of something like that?" Komiyama looks surprised. "To like someone for their accomplishments. I would never do that, Tomoki-kun."

And Tomoki thinks maybe he understands. Liking someone because of who they are, or _despite_ of who they are. Like how he cares for his sister anyway despite the trouble she brings him, or how she used to come to his room despite risking a door slam in her face.

Loving someone is a choice that you keep choosing despite knowing better. You can't apply logic into something like that or you risk losing your freedom.

Because albeit calling them choices, love isn't something you consciously choose.

:::::

They are setting up their tents on the site Yuichi has reserved. Tomoki is having trouble with his because Kirito is being a nuisance. They keep hitting each other with the rods, and one time Tomoki considers throwing a hammer at him for being so useless.

Yuichi has finished his tent long ago, has even helped the girls with theirs and now he's gone off somewhere where Tomoki cannot reach him.

"This is hopeless!" Kirito wails, flinging the pole onto the grass. "Let's just wait for Yuichi. He'll set it up for us."

A little ways away, Tatsuya is just about done with his, grumbling on and on about his pretty face cousin who's left all the hard labour to him.

Komiyama and Yuu are sitting in front of their tents, giggling as they begin to unpack the cooking equipments.

"Where's my sister?" Tomoki says.

Komiyama looks up and points to the green woods that gently slopes downhill from here. "I saw Yuichi and Tomoko head over there."

He nods and tries very hard not to scowl.

"Hey, Tomoki-kun, I was just wondering, why do people at school say you're dating Tomoko?" Komiyama says, as Tomoko walks over and sinks down next to her.

She hands him and Kirito their sodas.

"It's because Tomoki never told us he has a sister!" Tatsuya says, snatching the soda out of Kirito's hand.

Kirito squawks and is just short of punching him when Yuu giggles and hands him a new can.

"So when he spends time with her, people just assumed," Tatsuya continues. "I mean, if he just told us he's got a sister, it wouldn't have been a problem would it? Tomoko wouldn't have got bullied and—"

"Shut up, will you?" Tomoki says. "It's not my fault you people are stupid."

"Ogino said you kept it a secret on purpose," Kirito says. "In the infirmary, when Tomoko got hurt, Ogino said—"

"I know what she said!" Tomoki gets up, feeling unusually agitated. "It doesn't matter anymore. What happened happened."

He gets up and stalks away. What was he supposed to do anyway? He told Tomoko to stay away from him at school because he was afraid she'd be bothersome, that she'd get in the way of his high school life.

Tomoki grimaces. He's been right so far. In the angry part of his mind, he wonders if he's done the right thing listening to Ogino.

He finds Yuichi a little ways into the woods crouching below an ash tree near the clearing. He is by himself.

"Yuichi?"

Yuichi looks up and smiles. He puts a finger to his lips, demanding silence, before tugging Tomoki down with him. Yuichi points over the bush, and Tomoki looks.

There is a clearing with a cool spring, the sounds of trickling water and soft splashing of the small waterfall. Tomoki's eyes widen. Standing there, are two figures. Kosaka and Tomoko. They seem to be talking.

Kosaka is tossing stones into the spring, nodding to what Tomoko is saying. He hands her a handful of stones and points to the middle of the water.

Tomoko tosses the stone. It skips twice and Kosaka laughs.

He tosses his and it skips five times.

"What are they doing?" Tomoki says.

"She's talking to Kosaka," Yuichi says the obvious. "I promised her I'd wait here."

"Why?"

"She told me what you told her. She doesn't want Kosaka to think that you're a bad guy, so she's trying to fix things on her own."

Tomoki stands up. "Are you crazy? She'll just make things worse!"

Yuichi grabs him, looks him in the eyes and says calmly, "Tomoki, please. Your sister is trying. Let her."

:::::

That night there is a bonfire near the lodgings. The teenagers are roasting their marshmallows and laughing, singing campfire songs and making new friends from other schools. There are people playing by the piers near the lake, some people inside it splashing about.

The sounds of a wonderful summer carry through the wind, reaching Tomoki inside his tent where he lays alone, arm over his head, thinking.

It isn't something he does often, and it worries him that he might become like his sister. Even so, he doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what his sister is thinking. The closer the gets to her, the lesser he understands. And he thinks, maybe, Tomoko doesn't need him anymore.

There is Yuichi to help her, and even that pretty face Kosaka wants to protect her. With a stab in his heart, Tomoki realises they are all protecting her from him. The memory flashes across his mind, the shadow that falls across Kosaka's face, the way Yuichi stops him from going after Tomoko, and even Komiyama… her very existence is an option he could take.

_Choose Komiyama, listen to Yuichi, lose to Kosaka…_ all he has to do is follow the tides, and his sister will no longer be his problem.

"Tomoki?" a muffled voice asks from the outside.

He stiffens.

"Tomoki, I brought you barbecue."

He hears the tent begins to unzip and he says, "Don't bring it in, you idiot. It'll smell."

A pause.

"Well then, are you coming out?"

He sighs, crawls over and unzips his tent. Tomoko pokes her head in, puts the paper plate down just outside the tent and climbs in. She is holding a marshmallow stick in one hand.

"Your friends are asking for you," she says.

He doesn't answer, just watches her as she scoots to his side, her dress hitching up. He looks away.

"I saw Hina and Okada, you know," she says, poking experimentally at one of the marshmallows before eating it. "And Kiyota is here too."

Tomoki perks up. "He's here?"

"Yeah. He came with Hina and Okada."

"Then what are you doing here?" _Shouldn't you be with him?_

Tomoko looks at him like he's the stupidest person on earth. "Because it'll be annoying for me if I see them."

"Liar. You just don't want them to see you, so you ran away," he says, unimpressed. "You're scared to talk to them."

Tomoko looks away and doesn't answer. Her mood is beginning to darken and Tomoki doesn't want that, so he leans in and steals her marshmallow.

She balks and hits him.

Tomoki laughs.

That night, he doesn't ask about her time with Kosaka this afternoon, doesn't ask why she and Yuichi were holding hands, doesn't ask how she feels about Kiyota.

Tomoki doesn't ask if he's been of any help to his sister at all.

He doesn't need her answers; he doesn't need that kind of trust.


	8. Unacceptable Behaviour

Unacceptable Behaviour

Tomoki loses his sister in the woods.

He finds her again near the spring through which a stream flows, that if you were to follow it you would find the lake, the canoes and the cabins. This morning, they had woken up to a strange drizzle which, in the presence of the sun, faded as if recalling its promise of a scorching summer.

Hiding behind thick trees is his sister among a crowd of unfamiliar faces. They look like they are having fun, and Tomoki's first thought is that Tomoko must be getting along with them. He is about to turn away when his body freezes—Who is he kidding? This is his sister he is talking about.

He squints at the group and makes out two figures: Nemoto and the older Okada. Beside them, not so surprisingly, is Kiyota. In the back of his mind, he recalls Kirito telling him that this camping site is the hottest holiday spot for high schoolers this summer. That would explain why everyone is here.

A girl on the other side of Nemoto steps forward, and Tomoki knows her from his homeroom. Upon further inspection, he can see that Kiyota and Nemoto look highly uncomfortable. There are three faceless girls and they are surrounding Tomoko. One of them laughs, a high-pitched sort of sound, and shoves Tomoko backwards. Kiyota steps forward, a knee-jerk reaction, but instead of helping his sister out, Kiyota steps back and shoves his fists into his pockets.

"Look," Kiyota raises his voice, turning to the girls that aren't his friends, "I didn't tell you that Tomoko-chan's here so you can push her around."

"But even you want to know the truth, don't you?" the girl snaps.

"No, I don't."

Nemoto steps in. "I don't think we should force Tomoko-chan to tell us anything she doesn't want to—"

"Akira's been crying for weeks!" wails another girl. "This cow stole Tomoki-kun from her! Akira's even refused to come camping because she's too busy being miserable."

All the while, Tomoko is hugging herself with her head bowed. Her back is hunched over and that's all Tomoki can see of her. He can't tell what she's thinking.

"How's that Tomoko's fault?" Kiyota says. "You can't assign blame like that."

"And why not?" The girl turns around to glare at Tomoko. "It's your idea isn't it? To hide the fact that you two are dating, so other girls think they have a chance? You're a cold-hearted cow, you know that?"

Anger flares inside Tomoki. He's just about to step out when Tomoko all but yells, "It's not like that! Tomoki and I aren't—"

"Aren't what? Now you're gonna say you two aren't dating? You're not only a cow but a liar as well!"

"I-I never said that we were dating," Tomoko cries. "Isn't it your fault for assuming that we're dating and then running away to weep about it?" She begins to back away. "How is…how is it even my fault? How was I supposed to know what's going on inside your brains? You and your friends…you've been trying to hurt me and all your plans backfired, didn't it? That's because Tomoki is always going to choose me over you!"

Tomoki freezes. Oh hell, no… She's going to tell them that they're related. That's just going to make things worse. In a haste of panic, Tomoki springs out from behind the tree.

They all turn to stare at him, white with shock.

It only takes one look at Tomoko's teary face to know what she's thinking. She is crying, but not because she's frail or weak. She is angry. She's angry and she has no idea what to do with that anger. She has to let it out one way or another.

"Tomoki," she breathes out. There is relief in her eyes but also fear.

Tomoki grabs her and pulls her towards him before she can do anything stupid. He would have covered her mouth with his hands given the choice. Instead, he hooks his arm around her shoulders and glares at the rest.

"Soccer Kuroki," Kiyota says. "We were just—"

"I know what you were doing," Tomoki snaps. "I trust you around Tomoko and you let these people bully her?"

Kiyota flinches. "It's not like that."

"That's exactly what it looks like to me," he says. "I thought you are her friend? I thought you like her?"

"Tomoki—" Kiyota looks at him pleadingly.

"It's Kuroki-san to you," he spits.

"Tomoki," his sister whispers. She's clinging onto him. He can feel her nails digging into his arm. "They were just asking me some questions. I can handle this on my own."

"Like hell you can, crying like an idiot. C'mon, we're leaving."

"Wait, Kuroki-kun," says the girl on the side with too much lip-gloss. "Your girlfriend's been telling us that you aren't her boyfriend. Is that true?"

Another girl quips, "So are you two going out or what?"

Tomoki opens his mouth and closes it.

"Now that I think about it…neither of you ever said anything about dating," the older Okada suddenly says. "What's the deal with the two of you anyway?"

"Ahyaka…" Nemoto says uncomfortably. "It's not our business…"

"What? I can't be curious?" says Okada. "I don't really care either way. It's true that my little sister's been crying over soccer Kuroki, but it's her own fault for falling for a taken man."

"How can you say that? She's your sister," says the girl with too much lip-gloss. She turns back to Tomoki and says quietly, "Look, all we want is to hear it directly from you. Can't you just tell us? My best friend's a mess because of you. Don't you think you owe us an explanation?"

"They don't owe you anything," Kiyota says.

"Stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!"

"Aren't you the one who's been shoving your nose in Kuroki's business all this time?"

Tomoko tugs at his arm, murmuring, "Tomoki, we should just tell them…"

His mind is racing like a derailed train. He can't think properly. What is he going to do? If he tells them the truth, things will never be the same ever again. Everyone will know that they're related, how will that affect him? Not only that, all this time, everybody thought that they are going out, it wouldn't be right to confess now. Goddamn it, everything is such a mess! He scrunches his eyes shut. His head throbs like someone's hammered nails into it.

"Alright then…" he can hear his sister say under her breath. She sounds sad for some reason.

Before he can question what she means, he feels a determined tug on the front of his shirt and her thumb over his mouth. Tomoki snaps open his eyes, shocked, when Tomoko tip-toes and puts her mouth to the back of her thumb.

Their surrounding has gone silent.

Tomoki can't focus on anything else but Tomoko's closed eyes and the concentrated frown between her eyebrows. Her hand on his face is trembling, and when he lifts his own to touch her cheek, he can feel a streak of tear, cool against his fingers.

His head is swimming by the time he shuts his eyes again, bending down to accommodate her height. When Tomoko makes a small noise of surprise, Tomoki loses all the control over his motor skills. His body moves on its own, brushing her thumb away and kisses her square on. He knows he is making a mistake even as he locks his fingers around the nape of her neck and the other arm around her waist.

He feels his lips begin to move. He pulls Tomoko closer, and her arms fall onto his shoulders. When her hands brush against his neck, the contact sends small sparks rushing through his veins.

"Wait, Tomoki—" she breathes his name, pulling away to look at him. There is unspoken confusion in her eyes, and her cheeks are flushed from heat and embarrassment. It's almost endearing, Tomoki thinks and kisses her again.

This time, he makes an encouraging sound to get her to reciprocate, and she does. Tomoko hesitantly moves her lips against his own, and he experiences the rare feeling of having his most desperate wish fulfilled. All sense is lost when their teeth click.

This is the twisted part of him he's forced himself to forget.

With that thought, he jerks away with a gasp, breathless. His eyes snap open and he stares at Tomoko who returns it, her emerald eyes wide with shock and—and something else.

The truth of what he's just done begins to sink in, and he feels shame wash over him. That was absolutely inappropriate, not something of which he would have considered himself capable. He feels like someone dirty and grotesque. But the truth slaps him across the face when Tomoko squirms out of his arms, and he feels that irrational urge to pull her back, pull her close, never let her go.

He wants this.

His sister's face is red, and she doesn't meet his eyes. She looks like she's going to break into tears at any moment.

Tomoki feels disgusting and disconnected from the world.

This is why they can't be family, this is why Tomoki doesn't deserve people's admiration, this is why he's done all he can to be as far away from his sister as possible. He isn't afraid of becoming like Tomoko at all. He is afraid what being near her would do to him.

He swallows painfully, trying to find his voice.

"Are you happy?" he says, his voice comes out hoarse and sounds far away.

He turns to face the crowd, and does all he can to avoid Kiyota's presence, the one person who is aware of the truth, the one with the right to judge. All eyes are on Tomoki, and he feels exposed and the most vulnerable he's ever been in his entire life.

"You've got your answer. Now, go to Hell," Tomoki says. He turns on his heels and stalks off. He doesn't wait for his sister, he cannot face her right now. He just can't.

"Wait, Tomoki," she calls after him, and he can hear her footsteps struggling through the woods. He doesn't look back. "Little brother, wait."

Tomoki feels sick.

"I said wait!"

He stops on the outskirts of the woods, on the edge of a dwindling dirt path that would lead them to the camping site. It's noon and there is no one around.

Tomoko catches up to him, breathless and sweating. "You shouldn't have done that."

"Done what?" he asks numbly.

Tomoki can no longer feel his face, his body, not even his voice. Everything seems so distant, even his sister. He can't bare to look at her.

"Kiss me," she says.

Tomoki's heart jackrabbits. "What?"

"I mean that—" she sucks in a deep breath, "—you shouldn't have kissed me."

"Wasn't it you who kissed me first?" he asks, his voice coming out harsher than he cares to admit, defensive in nature.

"Yes, but—"

"But what?" He can feel unexplainable anger brew within him. "That was disgusting. Did you think I enjoyed it? What were you trying to do? You can't just go around kissing people like that."

Tomoko frowns. She opens her mouth and closes it.

"But you—"

"What's Kiyota going to think? You two were getting along so well, now he's going to think you're gross. Why did you have to land yourself in that mess?" Tomoki says. He's breathing hard. His mouth and his heart ache. He knows he isn't being fair. "Kiyota will stop being your friend now that you went and ruin everything! And those girls, they'll tell everyone that we kissed. Can't you see it'll be a big problem once they find out that we're related?"

"What?" Tomoko says aghast. "I did it because you weren't planning on telling them that we're related! And I was faking it, but you—"

Tomoko barks out a dry laugh. "You think they wouldn't know? With that stupid fake kiss you did—"

"But I did it for you! The look on your face when I suggested that we tell them the truth…" There are tears in her eyes, and her body begins to tremble. "You're the one who's ashamed of having me for a sister. You went out of your way to make people think that we— I only did what you— You'd rather we kiss than admit that we're family!"

"Nobody would want a freak like you as family!"

Even as Tomoki shouted it, he knew he'd gone too far.

Tomoko looks extremely hurt. He hasn't been expecting it when she suddenly punches him hard across the face. Pain explodes around his jaw, and he scrunches his eyes shut, seeing white. As he doubles over, she hits him again. This time, on the shoulder, but it's weak and her hand is shaking.

"What an asshole," she tells him.

When he opens his eyes again, she is already gone.

:::::

Tomoki's a hazard, his heart is a liability.

It's dusk when he finds himself crouching by the river bank, poking at the soil with a twig, where just yesterday he and his sister were getting along fine: his sweaty handprint on the hip of her dress, the separate pulsing of heartbeats against his own, a rare genuine smile he might actually love if he dares to admit.

"I finally found you," says the voice of Yuichi from behind him.

Tomoki does not spare him a glance, does not acknowledge his presence. He is glad, though, that it is Yuichi who finds him, instead of Kirito and instead of that loud mouth Tatsuya.

"Kotomi-chan might send out a search party if you don't come back," Yuichi says, coming to stand by his side. "She made dinner."

Tomoki lets out a noncommittal grunt.

There is silence, broken by the flowing of the river, until Yuichi speaks again.

"I don't know about you, but I think her heart is in the right place," says Yuichi, and Tomoki is suddenly aware that he is no longer talking about Kotomi. "She only wanted to help, Tomoki. It's just unfortunate that good intentions don't always create the best outcome."

"What the hell are you on about?"

"Tomoko told me what happened. She's sorry."

"Couldn't tell me that herself could she?" he grouches.

"She's sorry that she's upset you, that she's been nothing but a burden to you. She's sorry you sacrificed a lot for her and in the end you seem to have come to a conclusion that she isn't worth the effort," Yuichi says. "Also, she made me promise not to talk to you about it."

"Aren't you a trustworthy one?" Tomoki says, dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes," replies Yuichi, unperturbed. "You shouldn't be so hard on your sister. She was only trying to help—"

"Her help always gets me into shitty situations," he says. "What she did was unacceptable. It was inappropriate and—and gross."

"She's your sister."

"That's why it makes me so angry—"

"Then don't be so angry about it, or I'll think you're just projecting," says Yuichi quietly.

"That I'm what?" Tomoki twists around to look up at Yuichi.

He looks down at him, his ever-serene expression now harbours a stern seriousness that is so unlike him.

"You are projecting, Tomoki," Yuichi says firmly. "You aren't really mad at her, are you? You're mad at yourself. You're the one who got yourself into this mess. By hiding the truth from us, you perpetuated those rumours. Your sister got caught in it because she went along with you."

Tomoki stares at the bank on the other side of the river. It's getting very dark now, and the cicadas are coming out. He tosses his twig into the river. It hits the surface silently and disappears around the bend, washed away by the tide of circumstance.

Good intentions don't always create the best outcomes. Yeah, that sounds about right in Tomoki's book. All he's done, all he's ever done is run away. To keep himself safe, keep her safe, keep the truth locked away behind layers and layers of lies, thoughtlessness… Slam the door in his sister's face, shove the responsibility to Kiyota, couple Tomoko off with someone he barely knows, keep her away from him, off his hands, out of his mind, locked away in the darkest, most terrible cavern in his heart.

Do not enter.

Yuichi asks, "How did you think it was going to end?"

"I wasn't thinking."

"Well, that explains it doesn't it?"

"Yeah, I suppose it does."

Tomoki tries to stay serious, but then they look at each other and Yuichi breaks into a fit of giggles. Tomoki's lips twitch and begins to laugh at him, at how girly his friend sounds.

"Come on, dinner is waiting," Yuichi says after they've calmed down. He pulls him onto his feet.

Tomoki dusts off his hands and shorts.

"You know, you're not the only one who's upset," says Yuichi gently. "You should talk to Tomoko about this."

"Yeah, I will."

::::::

When Tomoki returns to the tents, it is to the absence of his sister. Kotomi Komiyama flies to him with his dinner and accepts it with a quiet thanks. He joins Kirito and Tatsuya at their card game but gets distracted by the fact that Kosaka Fukushima is also missing.

"Where's your cousin, Tatsuya?" asks Tomoki.

Tatsuya looks up from his deck. "Hm? He went to the campfire near the lodgings."

"With Tomoko?"

"Yeah, they're getting along well, aren't they?"

At this, Kirito kicks Tatsuya. "No way in hell. I bet Tomoko is just too shy to refuse!"

"Please, you're just salty your four-eyed brother is going to lose to my cousin."

"No, I'm not!"

"Wanna bet?"

"You're on, dumbass."

"Nobody is placing any bets that involves my sister!" Tomoki squawks.

After a good fifteen minutes of quibbling, Tomoki excuses himself to the campfire. Yuichi gives him a silent nod. Tomoki has to apologise to his sister. Unsurprisingly, Kotomi tags along, trying to make conversations with him.

The noise of music and merrymaking grow louder the closer they are to the campfire. Tomoki hears the distinct sound of laughter and summer happiness. It makes his chest ache with a feeling he cannot quite place.

Just as they are about to reach the clearing, Kotomi tugs at his hand, a quiet Tomoki leaves her mouth. He turns around, ready to ask what she wants when Kotomi stands on her toes and pecks him on the cheek.

His hand flies up to his face where the contact lingers. Kotomi pulls away and flushes.

"I like you," she says.

Tomoki opens his mouth and then closes it. He swallows and tries again.

"I know," he says, and it's probably the worst thing to say in this kind of situation. His mind flashes back to Tomoko and the feeling of her lips on his, and the way he's kissed her back without a second thought. His heart thumps painfully and his stomach twists in a knot.

Tomoki looks towards the campfire. "I… I need to—I need to find my sister. Sorry." He ducks out of Kotomi's grasp and runs.

He can't afford to look back.


End file.
